"What Are You Doing Here, And Why Are You Talking Like That?"

What kind of world do we live in where Dixie Carter is taken from us and we're left with Janice Dickinson?

Check out the video below. If you dare.

You know me, I'm all about the handball, but somehow, when Janice starts talking about it, I feel like I'm being forced to felch Anthrax out of Dick Cheney's ass. Probably because she compares it to "animals mating in the zoo."

Which, I'm sure, is a compliment compared to what many middle Americans would say about fisting. But when she follows it by saying that, "gay men actually did make me who I am today," I kind of want to punch her in her "pulled-so-tight-she-has-to-bend-her-knees-to-eat" face. Are we zoo animals? Or are we your own, personal savior-stylists? Pick one, Janice.

I'm probably making too much out of this four minute, Oxycontin diatribe of hers, but when it comes to giving gay men credit for who she is and what she has become, I would rather that my peoples' contributions to "La Janice" be listed as "anonymous."

Or say the Mormons did it. Yeah, Janice. Give credit to the Mormons. You're so batshit crazy, it would make sense and no one would question it for a second.

So, if you have on your safety goggles, check out Janice's OUT video. Oy...