"No More Questions, Please..."

Yesterday was insanely hectic for no good reason. Anything that could go wrong, did, and anything that could not possibly go wrong, went wrong twice.

My high school English teacher once told me...

"It's not the death of a loved one that 

sends you over the edge;
it's breaking your shoelace."

The little things. The inconsequential things.

So basically, yesterday was full of broken shoelaces. Nothing huge that couldn't be fixed or smoothed over, but lots of little, bothersome things that made me pull my hair out. (Yes, from THERE! Where else do I have hair on my body?!?)

But I replaced all those broken shoelaces and I did it without devolving into Sally Field as Sybil, so I treated myself - - I hit the comic book shop just before it closed for my weekly stash of comics, but most especially, to pick up the last issue of DC's Final Crisis.

You see, yesterday's release of issue 7 of Final Crisis was supposed to answer all the questions that had been raised in the first 6 books. Questions like...

"Was the bitchy, Alpha Lantern intentionally drawn to look like Keira Knightley trick-or-treating as the Jetson's maid Rosie or did my shrooms just kick in?"

...and...

"Why does Mary Marvel look like the love child of Ziggy Stardust and Amy Winehouse?"

...and the most important question...

"What the fuck is going on?!?"

But, in keeping with my Whammy-filled day, instead of answering those questions, Final Crisis #7 forced me to add "No, seriously, I am one lost mofo!!!" to the top of "What the fuck is going on?!?"



I know that Grant Morrison is going for a different feel with this "final" Crisis, but I wish his style could have included the answers to the questions "What happened?," "Who did it?" and "How it was done?" Not to mention the confusion over "Who is alive and who is dead?" (Talking about the final page). This issue raises questions that lead to more questions, page after page of random weirdness. It's as if Lost suddenly moved aboard The Love Boat and Charo sings "Cuchi-Cuchi" for "The Others." WTF?!?

Reading Final Crisis #7, I felt like Groucho reading Fredonia's Treasury Department's report...



Please, somebody get a four-year old child to read this COMIC BOOK and explain to me how someone gets past a pitch meeting when they suggest these characters (don't click on it if you don't want spoilers) will be brought into the fight to take down the 3rd "Ultimate Evil Guy" after the 2nd "Ultimate Evil Guy" and the 1st "Ultimate Evil Guy" has been defeated.

Seriously, my head is still swimming. Mr. Morrison, next time remember that less is more. Unless you're Cher. And if you think you're Cher, snap out of it! Oy...