Fratboy Friday

For the past day or so, I had this intense burning in the middle of my esophagus, which led to stomach pains that sometimes felt like The Dark Knight's "Cell Phone in the Stomach" scene, and at other times felt like Alien's... well, iconic Alien "Coming Out" scene.

Happily, the pain has lessened and I'm feeling much better without a cell phone blowing up or a small creature eating his way out of my body - - add your own gerbil and/or rim job joke here. - - so let's get in a late-in-the-day Fratboy Friday...

BOYS IN CAPS

It's getting hard to tell the breeders from the queers, isn't it?

That said, check out the guy on the left. The Hanky Code (a.k.a. "How Gay Men Found Fun and Compatible Sex Partners Before Facebook") tells us that Light Pink, when worn on the left means you're a "Dildo Fucker" and when worn on the right you're a "Dildo Fuckee." 

But what kind of sexual activity are you looking for when the Light Pink is worn on your head under a green, John Deere, trucker cap with the bill deliberately pointed to the left? I'll bet it's some new kink that I don't know about. But I might hookup with someone who wants me to do it to them this weekend, so I need to know what this new kink is, how you do it, where you do it, the body part that is usually used to do it and any supplies that will be needed  (i.e. "leather jockstrap, vat of Crisco, vintage Joni Mitchell albums, etc"). Anyone have a clue? Anyone?

****

SAGGERS

Dude, don't be pissed. 

I meant, "Nice bitch tits," as a compliment. Totally.

****

MOONERS

You know times are tough when you have to sell your stuff to make a buck...

...Although this guy really knows how to advertise; 

Nothing says, "Love For Sale," quite like that ass, does it?...

...but we're definitely sliding into another Great Depression when you're forced to prostitute yourself while positioned beside a 30% off sign! Standing there, you're basically saying to the world that, due to your lack of ability, commitment and/or enjoyment of the task, your blow jobs have been MARKED DOWN!!!

(Four more days, people. Four more days...)

****

DAMN, I WAS DRUNK LAST NIGHT

He's crafty (so you know he's good with his hands), he owns that 80's arcade-sized Space Invaders game (so he knows how to fire his missile, repeatedly), and not only does he walk around with his mouth open like that all the time, he can also unhinge his jaw.

The possibilities boggle the mind.

I think we've found the man my children are going to spend every other weekend with 20 years from now when the two of us are officially "Gay Divorced."