TMI Tuesday

With today's ice storm raging through the Midwest, lyrics like "The weather outside is frightful" and "Baby, it's cold outside" have never felt so true.

But if Christmas lyrics are going to come true, I'd much prefer a Daddy type dressed in red velvet and black leather coming down my chimney... so to speak...

While I wait for that to happen, it's time for TMI Tuesday.

1. Are you and early shopper or a late shopper?

Since I haven't purchased even one present so far, I guess I'm going with "late shopper."

Which should come as no shock since I'm a "late" everything. My premature ejaculations are so late, they're on time.

2. What is your favorite cartoon (current or passed)?

While my Saturday mornings are currently taken up with both THE LEGION OF SUPERHEROES and THE BATMAN - - which are both incredibly well done Saturday morning cartoons - - my favorite cartoon, hands down, is the classic "One Froggy Evening" starring Michigan J. Frog.

You know, the one where the guy discovers the frog who just croaks when anyone else is around, but when he's alone with the man he sings....

"Hello, my baby! Hello, my honey! Hello, my ragtime gal!"

Brilliant. Truly brilliant. And makes me laugh every single time I watch it.


3. On a scale of 1-10, how competent are you on home repair projects?

Definitely a 1. Usually, after a home repair project, I end up at the emergency room saying...

"I don't know how it got there, just get it out."

4. What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Waking up on Christmas morning to Mama's cooking. Biscuits and gravy and sausage balls and and eggs and ham. Sitting around in our PJ's, eating and talking and opening presents. There ain't nothing better than that.

5. Describe your favorite kiss? Do you give it or receive it?

The first one I ever had with boy. Hands down. I finally got what all the fuss was about. The stubble, the roughness and that taste of tobacco from the cigarette he had just smoked.

It was Peter Brady at that moment. You know, "Skyrockets."


Bonus (as in optional):What is the best holiday gift you have ever gotten? Best you've given?

This will sound weird, but the best Christmas gift I ever received was a table. Let me explain.

For some reason, when I was about 7 or so, I wanted a table and a chair for my room. I was rather precocious as a child ("precocious" is euphemism for "big pain in the ass") and I guess I wanted a desk like my father had in his office.

So, Christmas morning came and my brother and I ran into the living room and there sat all of the wrapped presents from my father and mother and all the unwrapped presents that Santa had left for us. We went nuts exchanging gifts and playing with toys and calling friends to tell them what we got.

About two hours later, my father asked me if I got everything I wanted for Christmas and I said...

"No. I didn't get my table and chair."

And my father firmly replied...

"Boy, what the Hell do you think you're sittin' at?!?"

Sure enough, all the toys were piled on, you guessed it, MY TABLE! And I was sitting on the chair that went with it, playing with the toys AT MY TABLE.

Once again proving that I was born a blonde.

The best gift I ever gave? I'd have to say the year my brother and I bought my mother a washer and dryer. Big gifts like that are just not done in my family. We don't really have the money and we're not about that.

But she needed a washer and dryer for her new apartment - - she didn't have anything after she divorced the son of a bitch that was my stepfather - - and the look on her face when she came home from work and saw her new washer and dryer hooked up with a giant bow on them was absolute perfection.

She was stunned. Speechless. Something that rarely happens with me and members of my family.