TMI Tuesday

Even though Halloween was LAST week and these questions would have been more appropriate LAST Tuesday, here's TMI Tuesday's Halloween Edition.

(Please look for TMI Tuesday's Thanksgiving Edition to appear sometime next March.)

1. Do you believe in ghost? If so have you every seen one?

I feel like I should answer that question like Bert Lahr in THE WIZARD OF OZ...

"I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks.
I do, I do, I do, I do, I DO believe in spooks!"

Cause I do. And while I've never seen one, I have had ghosts make themselves known in my presence.

For instance, a few Christmases ago, I was standing back and admiring the Christmas tree I had decorated with my ex and was concentrating on the clear ornament that had a simple red ribbon inside it. I bought it the year that my friend and mentor Lemmie Smith died and I was thinking of him when suddenly, the entire Christmas tree started falling towards me.

I grabbed it and quickly set it upright again and only one ornament had fallen off and was broken. You guessed it - - it was the one with the AIDS ribbon. Rob said he was so sorry about the broken ornament, but I told him not to worry. That broken ornament was Lemmie's way of telling me...

"Girl, stop being so fucking morose!
Grab a cocktail and let's go watch a strip show!"

I know Lemmie was right beside me at that moment. I know it.


2. What’s the scariest movie you ever saw?

I don't know the name of it, but it was a movie with a bunch of short scenes and one of them had a man opening up a letter written in blood that ended with, "You know you really have no..." and then he unfolded the rest of the letter and there was a human heart at the bottom... still pumping.

Cheesy and stupid? Yes, but I was away at camp - - which I hated - - and even though I begged the counselors to let me be excused from watching the movie because I really didn't like scary movies, they said no. And I had nightmares for months after that.

I'll find those camp counselors one day. It won't be pretty.


3. If you were given a house that was free would you accept it if it was haunted?

No, because I am not the typical stupid white person as they are depicted in the movies.

When the house - - THE HOUSE!!! - - whispers to me "Get out," I get the fuck out!

I don't need blood in the bathtub or flies swarming on one wall to convince me to leave. All I need is one whisper and I'm gone!


4. If you were given a house that was free would you accept it if the last person had been murdered in it?

No again. You can make fun of me for being superstitious but I can take people laughing at me WHEN I'M ALIVE. What I can't take is being murdered. Especially if, right before I was murdered I thought to myself...

"This is EXACTLY what happened to the last guy who lived here.
I'm a fuckin' IDIOT to have moved in here!!!"

5. What was your most favorite costume you wore for Halloween?

I remember this question from a previous TMI Tuesday and I'm simply going to repeat my answer from that day...

Even though it was made of poster board - - one piece of poster board - - and was, therefore, severely two-dimensional, I LOVED the costume that my mother made for me when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade and really wanted to be Aslan for Halloween.

I'm sure that, from the front, I looked like a chipmunk who stuck his paw in a light socket and from any other angle, I looked like a strange child wearing a carpet on his body and some cut up poster poster board on his head...

But my mama made it for me and I remember walking through the hallways of Powell Elementary School with an attitude that said...

"You SO wish you were wearing this. But you're not. I am. Suffer bitch."

Bonus (as in optional): What’s your most memorable Halloween memory?

My brother, my cousin Rhonda and I were Trick-or-Treating in my neighborhood. My father always went along with us and stood at the curb.

I believe I was Batman (shock), Jeff was Mickey Mouse and Rhonda was a Devil of some sort. No theme to link the three of us together. We didn't need themes back then. It was the 70's. Everyone was high.

We walked up to one house, rang the doorbell and a cute, perky girl of about 16 answered the door. We yelled "Trick or treat!" and the girl at the door screamed bloody murder.

She screamed as if we had actually frightened her within an inch of her life with our costumes. She screamed and then she fainted.

The three of us slowly looked at each other. We didn't know what to do. We looked back at the passed out body of the girl and inched our heads closer to her when suddenly, an arm that looked like it belonged to the Wolfman grabbed the girl and slowly began to drag her limp body out of the door frame.

We were frozen. We couldn't move. We watched as her body was dragged out of view and then - - BAM!!! - - the door slammed in our faces!

We screamed and yelled and nearly peed our pants as we raced back to my father who was standing on the curb laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his face.

I don't remember anything else about that Halloween, but Trick-or-Treating at that house will be with me for the rest of my life!