Every morning, I go into the 7-Eleven around the corner from my building and buy a Double Gulp filled with Diet Coke.And nearly every morning, some jackass makes a comment about how big it is.
My favorite so far was the woman who said...
"Never drink anything bigger than your head."
Har-har-dee-har-har.
But after today's comment from some random homo in the elevator with me, I've decided upon the response I will give to anyone who thinks I give a flying fuck about their opinion of my drinking habits.
From now on, when someone says, "Wow, that's a really big soda," I will reply...
"You think this is big, you should see my cock."
That'll shut 'em up. Or get me a date. Either way, I win.
19 comments:
Well whip it out ! I think we all want to have a look ! : )
Well I do , I shouldn't speak for others.
Size Queen - Well, I better be big if I'm gonna impress a Size Queen!! I'll get some pictures posted asap!! :)
Oh Stephen , you already impress me and your just the right size !
Live, Love & Laugh ! You make me laugh alot . Thanks for your Blog !
Size Queen - Thank you!! You're very sweet!! Live, Love & Laugh always!
I'm not a size queen but I can be impressed.
Me, too! When do these pics get published?
Oh, they already are.........
take your time and you'll find the link
Thomas - I'll impress you, baby!!! :)
Dana - Published? Hell, you've all seen it, haven't you?
Michael - Exactly.
Shirley Heezgay - I love you for knowing. :)
Dana - Does that smile mean that you found the link?
Well, it would certainly bring an end to the inane elevator chit-chat, wouldn't it?
And yes, it seems to be quite the Chipotle-sized accessory...
As you usual, you never disappoint! That is the BEST comeback EVER! I can't wait for you to use it. Although I'm sure I won't be around to hear you use it. Since you live in Chicago. And I live in Delaware. Which is pretty far from Chicago. Even on a plane.
Damn - where are those compromising photos???
Mark :-)
The comeback sounds like Terri Hatcher in Soapdish: "If you like my eyes, you should see my t*ts!"
But would you really want to go on a date with someone who feels the need to comment on your soft drink consumption?
Nice! :-)
btw, I didn't mention that I think that comeback rocks hard.
Now I just need to find the right 7-11 and say to every person who gets a Big Gulp filled with Diet Coke, "You must be a size queen" and see if I get the Stephen "response." ;-)
In an attempt at decorum, the downstate blogger placed a magazine in his lap and wiped the drool from his chin as the memory of the pics darted through his mind...
Aaron - Did someone say Chipotle?!? I love their burritos. Another thing that's bigger than my head. But I still eat it. MMmm....
Mark - If you really want to see them, I'll show 'em to you. But there is one of me in a link on one of my TMI Tuesday answers. Trust me, though - - you definitely get ALL of me in that picture, so be careful what you wish for. Your retinas might burn. :)
Thomas - SOAPDISH! An incredibly UNDER rated movie. "On the machine. On the MACHINE, Rose. ON THE MACHINE!!!"
Bill S. - Right now, I have a sign strapped to my ass that says, "Available Gay Man, This Exit. Next Available Gay Man, 147 Miles." Besides, I'm used to boyfriends saying that I'm "pathetic" and "stupid" - - insulting my soft drink consumption is kids play compared to all that. :) Thanks for the comment, cutie.
Whim - Thanks! You know, you're one of the first people to help me grow a spine. I still need about a foot or two more for a full spine, but I'm getting there.
Shirley Heezgay - Thank you, Sir. From you, that is quite the compliment.
Steven - Just look for the bald guy buzzing on aspartame - - that'll be me. :)
Dirk - They made you drool? WOOHOO!!! Think what a "live and in person" showing would do! P.S. You're very kind.
that's hysterical...
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