What to Wear

I'm wearing a blue button-down shirt today with a nice pattern, a pair of my favorite jeans, my new brown Sketchers and a brown belt.

I almost changed into green, but then I decided that I shouldn't HAVE to wear green. What's going to happen to me if I don't? Does that give everyone the right to pinch me or something? What is this? The third grade?!?

Then, I saw this over at Seduced by the New... This sums up my feelings exactly...


Now, just to prove that I'm not anti-St. Patrick's Day or anything, I'll re-post the picture that I think sums up everything I love about this day...

A boy...

A beer...

And some cheese...

'Nuff said...

P.S. Those refrigerator magnets behind him spell out "BRAT," don't they?

Ooooo... I hope he's a brat. I'll spank the brat right out of him. But then again, he'd like that, wouldn't he?

Star Wars: A Cardboard Hope

What do you do when you're sick all weekend long and have watched EVERYTHING saved up in your TiVo? You sit for as long as you're able and click through YouTube until you find something that makes you laugh.

And this made me laugh. About halfway through, I laughed so hard, I peed a little.

Yeah, me coughing with chills and a fever AND pee pants. That's attractive, Ouiser.

This is Star Wars: A Cardboard Hope...

Chad White: My New Imaginary Boyfriend (So, Back Off!)

What do you do on a weekend where you're trying to get over the flu? Well, I don't know about you, but I search for a new boyfriend, Imaginary or otherwise.

Now, I've seen Chad White several times and he's definitely grabbed my attention - - so to speak - - but I didn't really know his name.

Sort of like all those tricks I see on the street, say "Hello" to and have friends ask me, "Who is that?," to which I reply, "How the Hell should I know?"

But now that I know his name and have perused his body of work, he is definitely my New Imaginary Boyfriend.

And speaking of his body of work, he looks great in grey briefs...

...orange hoodies...

...he even looks great when he's over-dressed in jeans...

...or when he's walking the catwalk in a retooled costume for the Super Friend I loved as a child, Apache Chief...

I wonder if he says "Inyuk-chuk," would it get big? I mean, "big-ger?"

What a coincidence! I love a Cherokee too! Hell, I have a lot of Cherokee blood in me. And I'd LOVE to have THAT Cherokee in... well... you know where I'm going with that...

Say My Name, Say My Name

This is my mother, Wanda.

Every year, my mother, my brother and I vacation in Hilton Head, SC. For a full week, you can find my mother in the middle of the ocean sporting that green visor, laying back inside that innertube.

She's always self conscious about her size. As we walk from our beach umbrella to the water, she always asks me if people are laughing at, as she says, "the fat woman in the innertube."

I'm sure there are a few who see her and giggle...

...there are hateful assholes anywhere and everywhere...

...but some men like a gal with a fuller figure.

Check out this picture I found...

Any woman who can get a man to write her name on the back of his Speedo has got it goin' on!

Atta girl, mom. Atta girl.

Fratboy Friday

Hey guys. Thanks for all the well wishes since yesterday. I am feeling a little better after some hardcore sleep, but I'm not quite over this little flu yet.

But the best cure for a fever and chills is Fratboy Friday. And even if it doesn't cure me, it makes being ill a Hell of a lot more fun.

No comments this week. Instead, there's a little theme in honor of St. Patrick's Day: Beer.

BOYS IN CAPS

****

SAGGERS

****

MOONERS

****

DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT

Why am I a vodka drinker?

Laid Up. And Not in a Good Way

Y'all, I'm sick.

I could feel it coming on yesterday, so I spent all evening and all night laid up in bed...

...No, my ankes were not in the air. Yes, it felt odd...

...I felt worse this morning, but made it to work and now it's really hitting me, so I'm heading home.

Home to rest, home to sleep. Home to crawl into bed. I only wish I was crawling into bed with Mr. Good Morning here.

That would make the fever, the chills and the coughing a Hell of a lot more fun, wouldn't it?

Unconditional Friendship

Last night, roborange from Seduced by the New... sent me this from someecards in response to my TMI Tuesday answers.

Thank you, sweetie. I love the card and the feeling is mutual!

P.S. The construction worker is kinda hot.

Windy City QueerCast Co-Host

Hey, y'all. I'm back on the Windy City QueerCast this week.

In fact, I'm now one of three revolving co-hosts of the QueerCast. Another is my fabulous friend, Ms. Alexandra Billings. All three of us will be working with full-time co-host and all around brilliant lesbian, Amy Matheny.

This week, we talk a little about showtunes and Sidetrack and a lot about Dolly Parton and Project Runway.

I know. Shocker, huh?

So, if you don't already get enough of me on here, subscribe to the Windy City QueerCast on your iTunes. And listen to me in all my syllabant "s" glory.

As if talking about showtunes and Project Runway wasn't gay enough, why do I sound like a tire with a slow leak when I talk? Does God just not WANT me to get laid or something? Oy...

TMI Tuesday

A rather intensely sexual TMI Tuesday. I like it.

1. Is sex hotter for you when it's forbidden? Or do you get wracked with guilt and it's not enjoyable?

Of course, it's hotter when it's forbidden. That's why, when I meet any of those guys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy or Larry Craig, I'm going to punch them in the neck, because they've given away all our secrets.

Now, if I want to get blown in a public restroom, some straight fuck is going to KNOW what my foot tapping means.

Remember the good old days when no one knew who the homosexuals were and we had sex in parks and alleys? Now, it's all double-strollers, appearances on Oprah and fighting for the right to marry.

Sex is better when it's taboo. Like Barbara Stanwyck screwing Fred MacMurray in Double Indemnity. Hot


2. Are casual sexual encounters fulfilling to you? Do you need an emotional commitment from your partner for sex to be fulfilling?

I'm a man. The thing that women need to understand about men - - gay or straight - - is that if we can't fuck it, we want to kill it. And if we can't kill it, we want to fuck it.

And usually, 15 minutes after either fucking it or killing it, we want to fuck it and/or kill it again.

So yes, casual sexual encounters are fulfilling for me. At least, for about 15 minutes.



3. Do you think that with all of the online dating sites that cater to every fetish and desire and places like craigslist that it's more difficult to make a commitment and/or stay committed to your partner?

No, I think it's making it slightly easier to find the people who are into the things you are into without having to suffer through all of those people who would pass judgment on you just because you might like to stick cucumbers up your bunghole while watching VeggieTales movies.

That said, I've almost stopped cruising online for sex because the hunt online takes so friggin' long and the person who shows up at your door is sometimes not the person who you spoke to online.

That's because the picture they sent you was taken when Roosevelt was in office. Teddy Roosevelt.


4. Have you ever joined or participated in an online dating site? If not, would you ever consider it? What about a fetish site, such as alt.com?

A dating site? No, but I should. A festish site? Hell to the yeah!

You didn't ask me which ones, though.
Care to guess?

No, it's not Manhunt. That's a dating site. Geez...


5. What is the weirdest fetish you've heard of?

A very smart, insightful man that I - - well, we didn't really date, but we had a lot of fun sex together - - taught me that, not only is it impolite to pass judgment on someone else's fetish, it's also hurtful and rude.

Who am I to say what is weird or normal? If it makes you happy and it's not hurting you and it's not hurting someone else, go for it.

And by "hurting," I mean "causing physical damage beyond what the person wants." Seriously. If you want to be spanked till everything is red, that might hurt someone else, but it probably makes you very happy.


Bonus (as in optional): The definition of 'fetish' is so vague. Do you think you have a fetish(s)? If so, do you want to share what it is? ;)

I have several. Leather, jockstraps, bondage, toys, slings, you name it, I'm probably into it.

And if you name it and I don't know what it is, extra points for you for introducing me to something new.

I always like exploring the road not taken.

You Boys Kiss and Make Up

I got my weekly email from Threadless and found another t-shirt that I have to have.

This one is called "Make Love Not War" by Paul Burgess.

It kinda reminds me of this.

Hot.

The Golden Girls: The Old Masters & Modern Art

My friend Cynthia just sent me a link to these over at Yankee Pot Roast and I simply have no words. Other than, "Fucking brilliant."

These are "selected masterworks from The Golden Girls Exhibit, arriving at New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art this September."

Mona Beasa (La Zbornak)

Leonardo Da Vinci, c. 1503

****

Rue with a Pearl Earring

Johannes Vermeer, circa 1665–1675

****

Betty and Child

Raphael, c. 1503

****

The Birth of Estelle

Sandro Botticelli, c. 1485–1486

****

Rose

Andy Warhol, 1961

****

Sophia

Roy Lichtenstein, 1963

****

Blanche

Patrick Nagel, 1982

****

Untitled (Fuck St. Olaf)

Barbara Kruger, 1990

"Fuck St. Olaf," indeed.

"The course of true love never did run smooth"

Sad news. Star Jone and Al Reynolds are getting a divorce.

I know. My faith in true love is shattered once more.

According to MSNBC...

"Nearly three and half years after they swapped 'I dos' at their corporate-sponsored wedding, Star Jones and Al Reynolds are calling it quits.

"The pair made one last public appearance at the Feb. 1 Baby Phat fashion show in New York City, but everything fell apart days later. That prompted Star to show Al the door ahead of schedule, the source said. 'Al moved some of his things out of their Upper East Side apartment and returned to Miami, where he’d already been spending a lot of time recently.'"

First off, if I were Star "Fat Fat Fatty, Mayoress of the BackFat" Jones, I would stay away from ANY event that contained the word "Phat," I don't care how it was spelled.

I mean, would Ryan Seacrest go to a "Baby Phag" fashion show? I doubt it.

Secondly, I think the move to Miami is going to be wonderful for Al.

There are so many wonderful bars for him to frequent.

And just look what Miami has done for Al Reynolds wardrobe. -->

As Christian Siriano would say, "Al looks Fierce!"

The Life of Reilly

Look at what I'm seeing tonight - - THE LIFE OF REILLY. The film version of Charles Nelson Reilly's one-man stage show, "Save It for the Stage: The Life of Reilly."

This is Charles telling the audience the story of his life and I can't wait.

If you don't know Charles Nelson Reilly, do yourself a favor and read about him. He led a fascinating life, was an amazing actor and director and one of the funniest human beings who ever lived. Whether it was sparring with Brett Somers on Match Game, going on for Dick Van Dyke in Bye, Bye Birdie or scaring the Hell out of me as a child in Lidsville, Charles had it goin' on!

A few years ago, PBS would run an hour of pre-taped interviews with Tony Award nominated directors and designers just before the CBS Tony Award telecast. An off-screen interviewer would ask a few standard questions and then the answers were all edited together to give us a little more info about that year's slate of Broadway shows.

I believe it was the '97 Tony Awards and Charles was nominated for his direction of The Gin Game. The directors were asked about their process and Mr. Reilly's fellow nominees went into the usual artistic rigmarole, which put them WAY up their own assholes and nobody watching wanted to follow. Then came Charles' response. I remember it vividly. After all this high brow, self-aggrandizement, Charles said this about his process...

"You know, sometimes I don't even read the play."

I laughed for weeks on that one.

Here's a little clip of the movie. Just a taste of his brilliance. If you want more after this, go here and here. Those are some of my favorite Charles Nelson Reilly clips.



Thanks to Mike and Andy for letting me know this movie is playing here this weekend. See you Facets!

Wanna Come Back to My Place and See My Frog?

I just saw these over at Undiesdrawer and I kinda have to have 'em.

I'm talking about the Clever boxer briefs with the frogs dangling from a... ummm... branch.

And I'm talking about Mr. Wonderful who looks oh so good in them.

Of course, he'd look better out of them.

And he'd looking amazing on me.

Or in me. Or any combination of the two.

And the frogs can watch.

That'd be hot.

Imitation, Flattery, Hilary and The Hoff

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Whoever "they" are.

That is why I am stealing two things from Scooter over at Scootersville. Not only does his blog have an ElectionVine Polling Place (which I just added to ARE YOU THERE, BLOG, so vote, bitches - - you can vote once a month.), but it also has this video of Tina Fey from SNL endorsing Senator Hilary Clinton.

And his profile picture is this picture of "The Hoff," so you know I'm already in love with Scooter.

Check out this clip asap, before YouTube takes it away. Those bastards.

Fratboy Friday

I've been dealing with financial reports all morning. Time for a little Fratboy Friday.

BOYS IN CAPS

I have my ticket to the gun show and I would like to take my seat.

Now. Preferably on your face.

****

SAGGERS

Yep, that's almost enough beer to make me look attractive to him.

Or at least to help him close his eyes and think of his girlfriend.

Whatever works.

****

MOONERS

Insert a dropping of the soap joke here.

I said, "insert." Funny.

****

DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT

In order to take the funnel, you have to get naked.

Why? Well, look at Joe there in the background.

He didn't get naked, took the funnel and then pissed all over himself.

Well, he does have a yellow band on his right wrist. Maybe someone ELSE pissed on him.

Straight lads. Fun.

One Year Till "The Watchmen"

One year from today - - on 03.06.09 - - the film version of The Watchmen will hit movie theatres.

If you don't know The Watchmen or if you're not a comic book fan, then you probably don't have a clue what this means for us fanboys. The only way I can explain it is that what Citizen Kane is to film, "The Watchmen" is to comic books and graphic novels.

A couple of years ago, I had a soft cover copy of "The Watchmen" and I gave it to Philip and told him to read it. He told me that he had too many books that he needed to read and he couldn't really start it, so I asked him to just read the first 10 pages. He left my apartment that night with the book and when I called him the next day, he told me he was at a bookstore buying his own personal copy of "The Watchmen." He couldn't put it down.

If you don't read or even if you don't like comic books, do yourself a favor and buy "The Watchmen." Alan Moore is a genius.

Today, the director of the film version of "The Watchmen," Zack Snyder, gave us a first look at some of the characters. These make me so happy because they are so friggin' perfect.

The Comedian

Nite Owl

Ozymandias

Rorschach

Silk Spectre

Adapting "The Watchmen" into a film is extremely difficult, but if these pictures are any indication, Zack Snyder is on the right track and March 6th, 2009 is going to be on Hell of a night at the movies.

Mimi Plastique

Lili-Anne sent this to me yesterday. I thought it would be a nice clip for those of you who don't live here in Chicago to watch to give you a tiny taste of what it's like to ride the train or the bus to and from anything and everything.

May I present Mimi Plastique. Apparently, she was making a little video on the L and one of the other passengers began to harass her. This is how she handled it...

"No, I don't THINK I'm tough, motherfucker! I know that if you come for me, I'm spraying your black ass with mace! And then I'm gonna beat the shit out of you with my goddamn shoe!"

'Atta girl!

I don't know Ms. Plastique, but I love her. And I seriously want her to accompany me every single time I ride the CTA. That would be spectacular!

Leave the Money on the Dresser, Babe

It's quiz time again.

I found this one over at Mean Dirty Pirate. It's the How Much Are You Worth In Bed Quiz and y'all, this time, "the internets" are way off in their answer.

That's WAY too low a number for me. Come on!!!

With all the hours of sex I've logged, I definitely deserve to at least a thousand an hour. Don't I get some kind of handicap at this age?!?

Hell, my bald head alone is worth $949 an hour.

Why? Well, I'll put it this way...

When guys rub my head with their hand and tell me that it feels good, I always tell them...

"You should feel it on your balls."

Not the perfect pick-up line, but it occasionally works for us 21st century Kojaks.

I Need a Doll!

The elf in this picture is a friend of mine, Mitchell.

No, he isn't wearing jingle bells and candy cane striped leggings because it's a new kind of S&M relationship where the Daddy dresses like Santa and the boy dresses like an elf.

Although, that is a titillating thought...

No, Mitchell was the brilliant star of last December's production of The SantaLand Diaries, a one-man show taken from the David Sedaris book, Holidays on Ice.

Mitchell was amazing in the show. A one-man tour de force. I love to watch Mitchell on stage. He is one of the best and most talented actors in this or any other city.

That said, this was the last picture I expected to see when I scrolled through my email from the Windy City Media Group and saw that Mitchell was the co-host on this week's Windy City QueerCast with Amy Matheny.

All I could think of when I saw this picture was... Well, I'll just copy the email I sent to Mitchell...

"I never thought I would ever see an elf doing an infallible Susan Hayward as Helen Lawson in the Ladies Lounge scene from VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, but there it is. Right there. In that picture.

"I can just hear you saying, 'Look, they drummed you right out of Hollywood, so you come crawlin' back to Broadway. Well, Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope.'"

Lost? Well, watch this little piece of classic gay camp. Then, watch it again and imagine Mitchell in that elf costume fighting with Patty Duke in all her Neely O'Hara glory.



The thing about it is that I KNOW that Mitchell would kick Susan Hayward's ass in that scene, in or out of an elf costume.

Anybody know who was originally supposed to play the role of Helen Lawson?