A gay actor / director / fundraiser / cabaret singer / lesbian-esque guitar player from the hills of East Tennessee, living in Chicago and looking for... wait... what is it I'm looking for again?
I was so excited when I read this article over at Playbill.com announcing a few new names attached to Diane English's upcoming new version of the the classic George Cukor film, THE WOMEN.
I had heard of a few of the previous casting choices, and the new film's IMDb page shows just who is playing who...
Note: For a quick reference of "Which star of the present is taking the place of which star in the past," I am including the names of actresses from the 1939 version of THE WOMEN in parenthesis...
If the names "Norma Shearer" and "Paulette Goddard" mean nothing to you, you're probably straight.
I don't care how many cocks you've sucked - - in my book, if you don't know Paulette Goddard, you're straight!
Jada Pinkett Smith ... Miriam Aarons (Paulette Goddard)
Candice Bergen ... Mary's Mother (Lucile Watson)
I can't think of a better person to take over a role played to perfection by Roz Russell than the incomparable Annette Benning!
And the latest additions to the cast are just as strong: Bette Midler, Cloris Leachman, Carrie Fisher, Lynn Whitfield, Joanna Gleason, Ana Gasteyer and Debi Mazar.
Which one of them is playing The Countess DeLave? Midler? Leachman?
Well, whichever one of them is playing The Coutess DeLave, you can bet your ass that the other one is playing Lucy, the Reno mistress of the prairie played by Marjorie Main in 1939.
I'll bet Carrie Fisher is playing their writer friend, Nancy Blake.
Dear Lord - - Carrie Fisher, Bette Midler, Cloris Leachman, Candice Bergen, Debra Messing, Ana Gasteyer...
This movie couldn't get any gayer if Larry Craig showed up in the final scene set in the elegant Ladies' Lounge and began tapping his foot dressed in Hedda Hopper drag.
Now, I was already going to buy the damn thing, but when fanboys start calling this dvd overly homoerotic, you KNOW I raced out to buy my copy!
And while I won't set up this scene for you - - it's way too confusing and half of you wouldn't believe me while the other half could care less - - trust me, watch it.
If nothing else, watch it for Lex's last words to Superman.
Because in a scene filled with gay-ish references to "rumpus rooms" and the "colors of Christmas"...
In a scene where Lex literally cries out, "Why did you leave me? WHY?"...
In a scene where Lex STRADDLES Superman like a bottom who likes it on top...
The last sentence is the gayest thing that Lex Luthor has ever said to Superman.
And I'm pretty sure it will REMAIN the gayest thing Lex Luthor ever says to Superman...
...unless Lex starts singing to Superman something like, "My milkshake brings all the supes to the yard..."
P.S. The casting of crazy-assed Anne Heche as the voice of Lois Lane - - a role played in the first run of Superman movies by crazy-assed Margot Kidder - - is brilliant. Simply brilliant.
Baseball season will soon be over (it will, won't it?), but when I saw this picture over at Super Underwear Perverts, I couldn't help but pass it on to all you... ummm... "baseball fans."
Wow.
Is that a baseball bat in your briefs - - standing straight up and being forced to angle over to the top of your left hip because it's so damn big!!! - - or are you just happy to see me?
Or both. Please say it's both.
Why didn't any of the coaches look like THAT when I was in Little League?
To those who think I was being a little unfair in my assumption that Mr. King Size was anything but in his skimpy little Speedos, I offer this picture, also from WetBoxersGuy, as proof that...
When you're REALLY packing something that is "King Size" and you wear a small-sized pouch, we can not only see "it," we can learn your religion!
Look at it! Even HE'S astonished at how big it is!
Isn't that picture great? I can't tell you how many times I've been heading down to the beach in nothing but my white 2(x)ist jock thong and said to myself...
"Is it chilly out? Do I need a hoodie?"
P.S. This picture below is also in the same post by WetBoxersGuy and this is quite possibly the hottest picture and the hottest man I have ever seen in my entire life!
SNELLVILLE, Ga. — Police are investigating the death of a man who collapsed after being headbutted by an armless man in a fight over a woman.
SR: Sounds bizarre, but remember - - THIS TOOK PLACE IN GEORGIA!! SNELLVILLE, no less!!!
"How do you get to Snellville, GA?"
"Marry your sister, man. Marry your sister!!"
Snellville Police Chief Roy Whitehead said the two men, Charles Keith Teer and William Russell Redfren, scuffled Monday afternoon in the driveway of a suburban Atlanta home.
SR: Need even more proof that these guys are absolute white trash? The fought IN THE DRIVEWAY!!!
Right beside Charlie's Red Pinto (which is completely burned out and sits on four cinder blocks instead of four tires) and across the street from "Billy's House of Shoes and Cheese."
Witnesses told authorities that Redfren, who has no arms, kicked Teer, and Teer struck Redfren, Whitehead said.
SR: I wonder if Redfren did that "Karate Kid" kick thing? Can you do that kick without arms?
I mean, the "Ralph Macchio Arms Raised To Set It Up" thing is kind of important to that kick, right?
No arms? No "Wax on. Wax off." It's that simple.
After bystanders separated them, Redfren "came back and headbutted [Teer] one time," Whitehead said.
SR: Obviously, the "bystanders" (Bo, Luke and Uncle Jessie) thought that only Mr. Teer needed to be held back. They probably thought to themselves...
"The dude ain't got no arms. He can't hurt nobody. Pass me an MGD."
Teer complained of feeling dizzy, collapsed, and died, Whitehead said. Police are awaiting autopsy results before deciding whether Redfren should be charged.
SR: Well, let's see. Mr. Teer got head-butted by William "Don't Put Me In The Pool And Call Me Bob" Redfren, then Mr. Teer became dizzy, collapsed and died.
Nah. It was probably something he ate.
This kind of investigation is why CBS has never opted to start filming CSI: SNELLVILLE.
But I'd have to say that my dream super power has always been a slightly reformed version of Rogue's meta-abilities, where I would be able to not only read thoughts, but also steal memories, abilities and other people's super powers for a short time.
That way, you sort of get to do it all AND you get to be able to peer into people's minds.
I mean, I look like Professor X, I might as well have some of his abilities as well, right?
Also, a little of Jean Grey's telekinesis would be kick-ass!
And yes, I have my own Phoenix-like dark side, so don't fuck with me.
3. Would you rather be tied up or tie someone else up? Why?
These days, I would rather BE tied up.
Why? I tied people up for years. It's my turn now.
4. What is your best physical and non physical asset?
My best physical asset, I would have to say, is my head. Because wouldn't it be a bitch if God made me lose my hair AND gave me a crappily shaped head?!? Talk about bad karma.
My best non physical asset? I'd have to say my sense of humor. It sounds cliched but when you're the fat, gay kid in school, you're not exactly popular. Yet, when you realize that they will leave you alone and sometimes even think you're cool if you can make them laugh, your comedic skills improve rapidly.
But being funny isn't exactly great for your love life. I mean, nobody ever said...
"You're so damn funny! Now, lay back you hot stud!"
Nobody ever says that.
5. If they were naming new Dwarves beyond the seven what would your name be and why?
"Horny."
You need me to explain "why?" Really?
Bonus: What's the most embarrassing thing you ever bought?
As a Christmas gift for a friend a few years ago, I had to purchase the "Barry Manilow CD Boxed Set," and when I told the clerk - - the "clerk" being about 12 years old, dressed in full Goth black, inches of eye-liner, covered in tattoos of skulls, with purple, spiked hair and a dog-collar - - that it wasn't for me he said...
"Sure it isn't."
All I could think was...
"I look like a Fanilow. Dear sweet, Jesus. I LOOK LIKE A FANILOW!!!"
After "Shoes" and my personal favorite, "Text Message Breakup," Kelly now covets a neighbor's cute, new top.
And what Kelly wants, Kelly gets!!
Here's Kelly in "Let Me Borrow That Top!"
I was thinking about being a kid dressed as a superhero for Halloween (you know - - long johns, mask, Underoos worn over the long johns, a towel clipped at the neck with a safety pin used as a cape, etc.), but if I can find the proper outfit, I may have to go as Kelly.
All I need are the right shoes and that fucking top!
P.S. Kelly is really Liam Kyle Sullivan. And I am in love with him. Hard
Y'all, I'm so damn close to becoming world famous.
If "world famous" means that I have new friends on different continents who send me lovely emails and make me as happy as Courtney Love trapped in a crack house.
Last night, I received an email from J - - the man who came up with the idea for and is the owner of Dirty Fukker Underwear - - saying that he was glad that I liked their underwear and their model. And that he loves ARE YOU THERE, BLOG!
I love a man who tells me what I want to hear. Even if he is "across the pond," as they say, and there's not a chance in Hell I'll be able to "show my appreciation" on bended knees.
Get it? It's a blow job reference, damn it!! Oy...
J was so nice in his email and then, just a few minutes ago, he sent me this picture of My New Imaginary Boyfriend...
I love that. I love ALL of that. Every INCH of that.
And something tells me there are SEVERAL inches to love.
So y'all, go over to Dirty Fukker Underwear and buy everything in sight! And then buy it all again for me. Size medium. Send it all to my home address.
If you live in Chicago, however, you should deliver your gift of Dirty Fukker Underwear to me personally, so I can give you a proper thank you. With "happy ending" free of charge!
You do get what I mean by "happy ending," right? Geez...
Thank you, J! Best of luck with your company! I know it will continue to be an incredible success!
Yesterday was Philip's birthday and as much as I wanted to hire a hunky twink to dress up as a cowboy and knock on his apartment door at midnight with a little tag attached to his wrist that said...
"Happy Birthday, Harold!
Bang! Bang! You're alive!
Now, roll over and play dead.
Love, Emory"
...I decided that my little BOYS IN THE BAND, "Midnight Cowboy" joke might get lost in translation.
So, I decided to give Philip one of the books he mentioned that he really wanted: Christopher Hitchens GOD IS NOT GREAT.
My favorite part of giving Philip this gift is this picture - - Philip absolutely beaming with joy while holding up the book, as if he's REALLY HAPPY that God is not great.
It's so cute. Makes me laugh.
Happy Birthday, Philip. And as Lucy said to Ethel during one of their fights...
"Happy Birthday. I hope you live another 75 years."
At last nights Emmy Awards ceremony, FOX cut away from Sally Field's acceptance speech when she ended with...
"And let's face it, if the mothers ruled the world, there would be no goddamn war in the first place"
Today on my iGoogle page, this popped up as one of my "Quotes of the Day"...
"Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but, unlike charity, it should end there."
- Clare Booth Luce
Do you think FOX had a problem with the "goddamn" or with Ms. Fields' slight anti-war message?
While we're on the subject, can we all grow the fuck up and stop being scared of words?
And after that, can we Americans please stop being afraid if we see a little nipple during the Super Bowl or a nice, juicy cock and balls on a computer screen?
We don't seem to have any problem whatsoever showing peoples' brains being blown out of their heads or watching a killer of college students point his gun over and over into the camera after his death, taunting us with what he did to our loved ones.
Maybe that's the bridge. Maybe that's how we get them to accept the human body and all it's parts. Go with me here...
The next time someone is offended at seeing some guy's cock and balls on a screen, just tell them to think of his cock as the barrel of a gun. That should calm them down.
The sick fucks.
Updated - 5/17/07 - 5:20 PM: Here is the uncensored speech given by Ms. Sally Field.
Shirley Heezgay tells me that her speech aired uncensored in Canada.
Who wants to move there with me? I'm kinda not joking, folks.
Yesterday's Chicago AIDS Walk & Run was a tremendous success!
The weather was beautiful, the walk path along the lake front was beautiful and if I may be so bold, the Season of Concern walkers and runners were the most beautiful, well dressed fundraisers in attendance!
And as of this evening, just the online donations for our team come to $9,135! All of the cash and checks people brought to the event will be counted this week. And people can still donate to our team until this Friday, so our fundraising total is STILL GROWING!! WOOHOO!
Here are a few of the highlights...
Here they are - - the members of the Chicago cast of WICKED! I am so grateful that they joined Season of Concern's Team for the AIDS Walk.
Last year, the Chicago cast of WICKED donated $37,000 to Season of Concern from two of the audience fund drives and the donations they raised for the AIDS Walk were outstanding.
Thank you, WICKED!! And most especially, thank you to Don Richard in the black t-shirt on the far right for organizing both the fund drives and the cast's participation in the walk. You're the best!
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Some of the SOC boys - - (L to R) John Burton (in all black in the back), the fabulous Rus Rainear, one of my best friends in the world, Aaron Hunt and the brilliant Doug Orlyk
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Isn't Chicago beautiful along the lake front?
Here's Rus (far left) and Doug (far right) joined by The Best Dressed Man in the AIDS Run & Walk 2007 - - the amazing Philip Dawkins!
I hope to one day earn hire Philip as my personal stylist. The boy has it goin' ON!
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One of the many signs held by some of the walkers: "Housing = Health"
I have no idea who this girl is, but when someone that cute carries that umbrella, I can't NOT take a picture.
When I asked if I could take her picture, I said, "You're the prettiest person here," and THAT is the grin that beamed from her face. Cute, cute, CUTE!
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Speaking of cute, John arranged for some of his DePaul students to join Season of Concern's Team. Here are (L to R) Megan Ashley, Nathaniel Ament-Stone and Annaleah Garing.
Ah... I remember 18... sort of...
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And this is the clock at the finish line. Will somebody please tell me what the Hell that stands for! Is this the time? How long we took to do the Walk? How long Elaine Stritch has to live? WHAT?!?
Thanks to all who walked and ran and donated to Season of Concern's AIDS Walk Team. I greatly appreciate your tremendous generosity.
As I see it, there are three - - count 'em, three - - gay men who are currently enjoying their brief 15 minutes of Warhol fame on YouTube.
And I can't stand any of them.
1) William Sledd - This is a twink who worked at The Gap for a few years - - folding t-shirts and dissuading customers from purchasing what he sees as the greatest threat to mankind, "The Carpenter Jean," - - and now proclaims himself to be a fashion guru.
His videos are a mish-mosh of WHAT NOT TO WEAR, HEE-HAW and a Clay Aiken concert all rolled into one pathetic, homo, white trash mess. And that's not all...
I don't like anyone with that Emo hairstyle. Especially guys. (If I wanted to fuck Posh Spice, I'd go fuck Posh Spice, ok dude? Now, get a buzz cut and assume the position.)
I don't like anyone who knows as much (if not less) than I do and yet, talks DOWN to me. (George W. Bush, please take note.)
And I don't like anyone who gives THEMSELVES a title they never earned. This happens quite often these days, but trust me - - just because someone is gay doesn't mean they have good taste in clothes.
Case in point...William: Do me a favor, shut the Hell up and do what you do best - - give your female hangers-on advice on which jeans accentuate their "Muffin Top."
2) Michael Buckley - Apparently more people watch Mr. Buckley's WHAT THE BUCK videos than voted in the last 187 elections. How fucking depressing is that?
I've only suffered through one of his lame-assed attempts at skewering pop culture and to me, he's like that gay man that we all know - - the friend of a friend who is always glaring around the room, looking for other people's Achilles Heel so he can stab it with his bejeweled letter opener and snarl about it in the corner with his white-belted, flip-flop wearing, faux-hawk sporting, "trying WAY to hard too look 23 again" friends.
Don't ask me why, but there's something about his comedy that isn't funny, it's just bitchy and catty and hurtful. But I think what I hate the most about him is his INSANE amount of narcissism. He loves himself more than anyone else could ever love him and he laughs at his own jokes, because he thinks he's so fucking hysterical.
It's like a singer who says 'Thank you" before the song is over to tell you that what they sang was really good and you should applaud - - a lot. It's disgusting. And so is he.
And last but definitely not least - - especially this week...
3) Chris Crocker - Philip turned me on to this guy and I could only watch a few of his clips before I had to shut down my laptop, douse it with Holy Water and pray that Linda Blair didn't pop into my apartment and projectile vomit pea soup all over my leather sofa.
This man is disturbed with a capital "Crazy Bitch." Seriously. He needs help. And yet, just like his personal pop idol Britney Spears, the American people see this person who is laying in the street bleeding and screaming for help and they stand, stare and point but never MAKE A MOVE TO HELP THEM.
His video break down telling the world to "Leave Britney Alone" truly scared me. Forget about hiring the American Idol judges to help Britney revive her career; hire a psychotherapist to bring Mr. Tucker some mental health and stability.
Yeah, I know. I'm taking all this WAY too seriously.
Thankfully, THE SOUP and Seth Green created this to allow me to do what all humans - - American and otherwise - - do in a time of crisis: Laugh at another man's pain.
Seriously, though - - this video by Seth Green is hilarious and right on the money...
It's fitting that SUPERMAN RETURNS is playing on my tv as I choose this week's Favorite Caption Contest Winner.
Just like relatively unknown actor Brandon Routh winning the role of Superman in the reboot of the franchise, this week's winner's true identity is relatively unknown...
I mean, I assume I know Eric from somewhere, but I have no idea EXACTLY who he is and I have a hunch that I'm not going to learn his identity anytime soon.
Even if, one day, I'm told that the elusive Eric is sipping a cocktail at Sidetrack, I would probably walk into the bar to find gay man after gay man stand up, Cosmos in hand, and shout out "I'm Eric!" one by one, over and over, like some homosexual version of SPARTACUS.
"Being a Superhero used to be so much more exciting."
So true, Eric. So true.
How about a little male eye candy for Week #9's pic?
Ah, yes. This will do. This will do nicely...
Note to Hugh Hefner: If you want to re-launch The Playboy Club here in Chicago, may I suggest Playboy Bunnies that objectify men instead of women?
Don't you it's time that women got to sit and enjoy watching a grown man dressed as a bunny try to serve a cocktail by doing the "Bunny Dip?" God knows I do.
Y'all give this Pink Posse of Boys a caption, ok?
Deadline for possible captions is this Friday, September 21st at 5:00 p.m. (CST).
But since a week has gone by, it must be time for Fratboy Friday!!!
Here's this week's...
BOYS IN CAPS
Oh yeah. This is going to be a good Fratboy Friday. I can already tell...
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SAGGERS
Four saggers for the price of one. Why, you ask?
Well, when you have four pics of a sagger that hot, how on earth can you pick just one?
I love EVERYTHING about that boy. Everything. The piercing most especially.
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MOONERS
Notice the guy second from the left who can't quite go the full monty with his moon.
It's as if he believes that "mooning is for pussies," so he just tucked his briefs into his ass.
But in trying NOT to look like a pussy, he looks more like a pussy.
Democrats: Take note.
And my favorite Fratboy Friday category...
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DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT
What is that guy covering up with on the far right? A plastic tub? And he's wearing a cowboy hat? What is he supposed to be? A Busboy at The Dixie Stampede?!?
This is what would have happened if The Village People were made up of straight guys.
Apparently, THIS is the rundown. From these "It's not gay as long as nobody gets jizz in their face" costumes, I think we have (L to R)...
A Patriotic Genie (?), an Elephant (?!?), a Pizza Delivery Boy, a Typical Man Who Overestimates The Size of His "Gulp," and a Busboy at The Dixie Stampede.
Lame-assed Village People if you ask me.
Except for the Pizza Delivery Boy. They're onto something with that one...
I always say: "Give me a twink, a pizza box and some duct tape and I'm a happy man."
Eva Mendes ... Crystal Allen ( Joan Crawford)
