"Slip It In My Purse"

"Spider-Man 4" may have gotten canned...

Which means that Tobey Maguire may never again wear the Spidey suit, no matter what the color...

And that Malkovich may never give another thought to what bizarre, "What the fuck is he DOING?!?" way that he would play a flying, bald, Spidey villain named The Vulture...

Also, as for showtune Spidey, "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark" may be out of money, the cast may be out of rehearsals, the creative team may have (finally) delayed previews, and the producers may still be trying to convince the public (and themselves) that the $50 million musical will actually open sometime this year...

And, as you can see, Spider-Man himself may be taking some low (albeit fun, if you're well lubricated) blows from a few bad guys...

But...

When your good friends Alanda Coon and Steve Hobson (along with their beautiful newborn son, Grayson) give you this Spider-Man messenger bag as an early birthday present, all is right in Peter Parker's corner of the Marvel Universe.

Thanks, guys! I will carry it with style and care for it like I would a mint condition copy of "Amazing Fantasy #15."

Because with great accessories comes great responsibility.

Excelsior!