"She Took the Pepsi Challenge, She Chose Jiff"

I agree with Auntie Joan, the Costa Rican terrorist, who says...

"Men like them stupid.
No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card."

I can add that no man will ever say...

"You are so funny! I've never laughed so hard before. Now, lay back and let Daddy ride you like the bitch you are!"

Similarly, singing showtunes in public severely diminishes your chances of getting laid. For months.

You know, if I was a dumb straight dude with no sense of humor, gay guys would be crawling over themselves to do me.

Oy...