"Let's Bump Up the Lights and Take a Few Questions"

Kevin from The Lisp tagged me on this meme, a word that I only recently realized is a combination of the words "me" and "me." How narcissistic is that?!?

That said, here are my answers to the "I've Come to Realize" Meme

1. I’ve come to realize that my chest-size. . .
...is average.

(Obviously, these questions were written by a straight man and first given to a woman. A rather buxom woman, I would imagine. Probably Dagmar.)

2. I’ve come to realize that my job. . .
...is the combination of so many different tasks (large and small) that each day is sort of like juggling two bowling pins, a bowling ball, three machetes, four flaming batons and a Jonas Brother. All at the same time.

3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving. . .
...and try to park in this son of a bitch of a city, that I don't miss having a car. At all.

4. I’ve come to realize that I need. . .
...a best friend. Not that I don't have good friends, but if I spend one more entire weekend alone in my apartment, I just might go bonkers.

5. I’ve come that realize that I have lost. . .
...what little ambition and drive I had.

6. I’ve come to realize that I hate it when. . .
...people talk on their cell phone on the bus. Even faintly. It annoys me.

Every time I'm near a person on the bus talking on their phone, I want to recreate the scene from the episode of Sex and the City where a business man bumps into Carrie on the street and doesn't stop or apologize, which causes Carrie to scream in his direction, "Oh, you're SO busy! You're SO BUSY!!!"

7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk. . .
...9 times out of 10, tequila has been involved.

8. I’ve come to realize that money...
...is worthless. It can't make people love you, can't bring your loved ones back when they're gone, and it will never equal the happiness you get from your memories. A dinner with friends, a late night laugh on the phone or a perfect kiss with a sweet man beats a million bucks any day.

9. I’ve come to realize that certain people. . .
...are happy just the way they are and nothing I can do will change them.

Usually, these are the men I'm attracted to because they have fucked up lives and are sometimes wonderful to me and sometimes distant and downright cruel. Yet, I can see the wonderful person on the inside, and I think, "I can help them be happy and then, I can be happy with them." But they are happy. And I need to move on.

10. I’ve come to realize that I’ll always. . .
...be single. Probably. The older I get, the more apparent that has become.

11. I’ve come to realize that my sibling(s). . .
...love me.

12. I’ve come to realize that my mom…
...is the strongest, most resilient person on the planet. Even though she thinks of herself as weak and extremely breakable. Why do Southern women always underestimate their strength and their potential for incredible change?

13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone. . .
...is helpful and convenient, which clearly means it's the work of the Devil.

And when every bee on the planet is dead, pollination ceases, plants and flowers dwindle, oxygen becomes scarce and we all have gigantic tumors in our heads beside our ears, we'll be too busy texting and talking on our phones to notice.

14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning. . .
...I actually cleaned my apartment (a little) yesterday. Who the Hell am I?!?

15. I’ve come to realize that last night before I went to sleep. . .
...I didn't hear the Asian Consulate next door ranting and screaming like they usually do. Lucky me.

16. I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking. . .
..."How many fucking questions does this goddamn meme have, anyway?"

17. I’ve come to realize that my dad. . .
...is my Dad. He's exactly who he is, that will never change, and if I love him and want to be in his life, then I have to accept that.

18. I’ve come to realize that when I get on Facebook. . .
...I am enjoying it more, but I still want to strangle people who update their status message in the present tense with sentences like, "Joe Blow is relaxing on the couch with his boyfriend."

Because Joe doesn't seem to realize that he is NOT relaxing on his couch with his boyfriend; he is UPDATING HIS STATUS MESSAGE!

He could be looking forward to relaxing on the couch with his boyfriend, or he could say that he enjoyed relaxing on the couch with his boyfriend, but the present tense of that action is simply moronic.

19. I’ve come to realize that today. . .
...is not going to be a laundry day. It's just not gonna happen.

20. I’ve come to realize that tonight. . .
...may feature drinks in Wicker Park at plan b. Since it's gay night tonight. And Jaime's bartending. And there are $5 martinis. (Why am I not already there?)

21. I’ve come to realize that tomorrow. . .
..."is another day."

22. I’ve come to realize that I really want to. . .
...perform. And direct. Just be a theatre person. My job is important and I love it, but I miss doing what (I think) I do best.

23. I’ve come to realize that the person mostly likely to re-post this is. . .
...(I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it's stupid.)

24. I’ve come to realize that life. . .
...is about now. Not the past or the future. But now.

And sometimes, it really is a bowl of cherries. Don't take it serious.

25. I’ve come to realize that this weekend. . .
...is relaxing. And kinda sucks. All at the same time.

26. I’ve realized the best music to listen to when I am upset. . .
...is bluegrass. "Whoa Mule," anyone?

27. I’ve come to realize that my friends. . .
...mean everything to me. Even more than they know.

28. I’ve come to realize that this year. . .
...is going by WAY too fast. Especially since 40 is meeting me in January of 2010.

29. I’ve come to realize that my exes. . .
...are all pretty good guys. With one notable exception. And that Skank know who he is.

And wherever he is, he should stay there.

30. I’ve come to realize that maybe I should. . .
...get a life.

31. I’ve come to realize that I love. . .
...cartoons, even more now than I did as a kid.

32. I’ve come to realize that I don’t understand. . .
...men. Even though I am one. (Ain't that a bitch?)

33. I’ve come to realize my past. . .
...is a nice place to visit, but not a place to live.

34. I’ve come to realize that parties. . .
...bring out the mania in the slightly bi-polar boy that is me.

35. I’ve come to realize that I’m totally terrified. . .
...of spiders. Still. To this day.

36. I’ve come to realize that my life. . .
...would NOT actually suck without you. No matter what Kelly Clarkson says.