Everybody's A Critic

Since the competition began in 2003, I have been a judge at several of the Windy City Gay Idol contests each year.

No, you read it right.

The Windy City Gay Idol.

What's a "Gay Idol," you ask?



'Nuff said.

Windy City Gay Idol is a karaoke competition sponsored by one of Chicago's weekly gay newspapers, The Windy City Times.

And, I am a judge. Yes, me - - the redneck, homo, Sondheim geek whose career peaked when I performed SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK LIVE! at Dollywood accompanied, not by a band, but by a cd that skipped, making that section of THREE IS A MAGIC NUMBER where you count backwards from 30, a musical theatre clusterfuck- - I am judging other people.

In fact, I'm judging this year's final round at Circuit on June 15th.

I toyed with the idea of walking into the club holding a little dog and sporting a huge band-aid on my nose, but then my friend Ruth sent me this little article.

After reading this, I don't think I should even ATTEMPT to be witty or do anything that would make anyone think that I was mocking the festivities.

Somebody might be packin'.

Philippines Man Shot By Guard At Karaoke Bar For Refusing To Stop Singing

In the Philippine city of San Mateo, a patron at a karaoke bar was shot dead for singing out of tune, The Philippine Star reported.

29-year-old Romy Baligula was halfway through his song when security guard Robilito Ortega, 43, yelled that he was off-key.

Baligula ignored his comments and continued singing, upon which Ortega pulled out a .38 caliber pistol and shot the singer in the chest. Baligula died instantly, according to police.

The guard was detained by an off-duty policeman shortly after the shooting.

Alas, it does not seem to be a rare occurrence. So many fights and even deaths have occurred in Manila when patrons sing out of tune that the popular Frank Sinatra tune "My Way" was reportedly taken off many karaoke bars' song lists.

Did this reporter just use the word, "Alas?" What the fuck?

Anyway, Ruth and I were discussing this "Murder By Tone Deaf"...

...Ok, I'm reaching with that one, but cut me some slack. In a few weeks I'll be judging karaoke in what very well might turn into the lavender version of the Gaza Strip...

...and Ruth reminded me that she and I, our friend Dawn-Marie and our good friend Michael, who sadly passed away a year and a half ago, were sitting at the Gentry on Halsted when this bizarre man went up to the mic and started singing DON'T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA.

And he sang it wretchedly. I mean, I actually would have preferred to hear Madonna sing that song - - LIVE! Friggin' MADONNA, ok!?! THAT'S how bad he was.

And then, it happened. I swear, the four of us didn't discuss what we were about to do. It just sprang out of our mouths - - each of us at the exact same time.

Right after this man sang the lyric, "Have I said too much?," all four of us screamed at the top of our lungs...

"YES!"

Funny? We thought it was.

Cruel? You bet'cha.

But when you consider what would have happened to the guy if he sang that song that in the Philippines, our little joke at the expense of the untalented seems rather kind...

...almost compassionate, really.