Instant Adoring Boyfriend

My cousin Kristie is quite possibly the kindest, sweetest, most generous, thoughtful and loving person in the entire universe.

She also is WAY friggin' hot!

Now, it may or may not be blatantly obvious, but I've been a little down of late with regards to my status as "The Last Single Gay Man North of The Manson-Nixon Line." Kristie, being kin, knew this intuitively.

Which is why today, I found a package from her in my mail box which contained this dvd...



That's right. Kristie sent me my very own boyfriend in the mail!!!

And he's blonde. And he's British! I know! "Shut the fuck up," right?!?!

Sure, he's virtual and on a disc, but I don't give a damn. I don't have to cook him breakfast or sleep in the wet spot - - I'm happy!

I was laughing so hard when I opened the package, I'm sure that my upstairs neighbor thought that Arnold Horshack from WELCOME BACK, KOTTER had stopped by my apartment for some major yucks.

Kristie knew exactly what to do to cheer me up. She even included the entire maxi-series, JLA: YEAR ONE.


I get a boyfriend AND a massively cool comic IN THE SAME PACKAGE?!!?! How friggin' fan-fuckin'-tastic is that?!?!?


Thank you, Kristie. Thank you so much for the belly laugh when I opened the package, the hilarious dvd, the kick-ass graphic novel and for your overwhelming kindness and generosity. I greatly appreciate this. I love you.

Here's a little snippet of my new boyfriend. Jealous much?



Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, he mentions that I'm in a skirt. It could happen.