A gay actor / director / fundraiser / cabaret singer / lesbian-esque guitar player from the hills of East Tennessee, living in Chicago and looking for... wait... what is it I'm looking for again?
The clip at the bottom of this posting is one of the newer trailers for 300 which opened today.
From what I've seen so far, the film's director Zack Snyder is filling the screen with the gorgeous and gore-filled comic book spectacle and more chiseled abs and hardcore pecs than have ever been captured on film.
I never thought I would say this, but it may be better than a Shane Rollins gay porn.
Maybe.
But believe it or not, all that leather-thonged man flesh is not the best part. Look at this image that mysteriously appears in the YouTube clip at time marker 1:52 (or time left 3:38) for a brief but glorious nano-second. Ain't It Cool News captured the image and it is...
Rorschach
Rorschach is a central character in the grand-daddy of graphic novels, THE WATCHMEN written by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons.
Maybe the image is Zack Snyder teasing us fan boys or maybe the image was placed there by some WATCHMEN fan with way too much time on his hands. I sincerely hope I'm being teased.
This is Zack Snyder. Yeah, I'd LOVE for him to tease me. He makes comic book movies AND he's humpy. What more could I possibly want?
A WATCHMEN movie has been announced and cancelled more often than Britney has entered and left rehab, but it looks like Zack is moving this project forward quickly.
And I'm sure if 300 has a killer weekend (pardon the pun), I will be sitting at the midnight showing of THE WATCHMEN in 2008.
My mother arrives in Chicago tonight at 8:30 p.m. and for several reasons, most of them revolving around the cleaning and up-keep of household chores, I refer to Mama as "The Borg."
You know...
"Resistance is futile."
Not that she's mean or cruel or strips off half of my flesh and replaces it a Speak-and Spell, two toasters and left-overs from the costume design of EDWARD SCISSORHANDS or anything...
It's just that, if I leave her alone in my apartment for more than 4 minutes, she will sweep, mop, scrub and more importantly, REARRANGE furniture, items in my cabinets, placement of pictures, everything.
This wouldn't be a problem if I never had to find any of the things she moves after she leaves town!!
Also in my apartment these days, you open the wrong drawer or look in the wrong box and you're going to get an eye-full...
...or a "something" full.
It's as if James T. Kirk discovers this fun-looking rock formation in my apartment and asks me a personal, rather pointed question, to which I respond...
"Yes, Captain Kirk, the whole thing. All the way. It's possible. Anything's possible."
I also love that I can hear Alanda laughing at this picture right of Kirk and the Granite Dildo now - - that cute little giggle that says, "Rader - - what the fuck?!?!"
In one of his comedy specials, Billy Crystal asks the audience something like, "What is the one thing you always hear in a San Francisco Emergency Room?"
The answer...
"I don't know how it got there, just get it out!"
Is San Salvador the new San Francisco?
SAN SALVADOR (Reuters) - An inmate at an El Salvador jail was caught with a hand grenade stuffed up his backside -- a novel attempt to disguise his apparent escape plans.
Guards at the San Francisco Gotera prison outside the capital San Salvador found the V40 grenade, about the size of a golf ball, lodged up the man's rectum during a security clampdown, a prison spokesman said on Thursday.
They also caught another 16 inmates who each swallowed a mobile phone.
"We'll have to expel the objects and if they won't come out we'll have to perform surgery in hospital," said Alberto Uribe, a spokesman for the El Salvador prison service.
Last year, prison guards found an M67 grenade in the vagina of a female visitor at the overcrowded La Esperanza-Mariona prison on the northern fringes of San Salvador.
Prisoners in the Central American country use weapons to try to escape or attack fellow inmates and prison guards, and use cellular phones to order free gang members to commit crimes or smuggle narcotics.
Stuffing a live grenade up your butt in order to escape The Big House.
Now, if Wentworth Miller had done THAT on PRISON BREAK, I would have tuned in.
I hit Graham Cracker Comics around 3:30 p.m. today just before one of my committee meetings to get my usual weekly stash of comics and of course, CAPTAIN AMERICA #25 was nowhere to be found.
Some jackass behind the counter said something about Steve Rogers having had asthma before he took the Super-Soldier serum.
He went on to say something like...
"But they didn't, like, call it asthma back then. But, like, the Super-Soldier serum cured it. Yeah, it cured that and, like, it cured his tuberculosis."
Then, he laughed that pathetic laugh that says: "Oh, I work in a comic book shop and get knocked around by every jock and Guido in the city, so when I'm in here, I'm gonna act like a total lame schmuck ass."
Yeah, asthma and tuberculosis. "That's hilarious!" (Insert sarcasm here)
Real fuckin' funny, asshole.
This coming from me who made fun of Heather Mills' artificial leg earlier today, but still... I have class.
Proving that I have class, I have found a way to look at today's death of Captain America with a more "Glass Half Full" attitude.
What am I doing? I'm looking at tons of HOT pictures of the hunk-a-licious man who played Cap in the two late 70's Captain America TV movies...
"Hey Cap, is that Bucky in your basket or are you just happy to see me?"
God, I miss the 70's. Men had BASKETS in the 70's!
****
"Do you have your tickets?TO THE GUN SHOW!"
Get him a Band-Aid 'cause he's CUT!
****
No, gentle reader, Gabe Kaplan was never in a Captain America movie, but at this point in the checking out of Reb Brown's hottie pa-tottie body, do we really care WHAT movie he's in?
As a nation, over the past 7 years we have been lied to, stripped of our rights, declared un- patriotic if we disagree with the monarchy that was once the Executive Branch and sent into a war we cannot win with our brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, fathers and mothers giving their lives - - not for oil, but because they believe in this country and the principles on which it is based.
That Everyone Has the Right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Everyone.
Horrifically, our government does not support our troops, makes them pay for their own body armor and should they be injured in battle, places them in hospitals and recovery facilities with mold- covered walls infested by vermin.
You may think it's silly for me to feel so passionately about a fictional character - - Steve Rogers infused with Super- Soldier serum in the 1940's to battle the Nazi's - - but Captain America in Marvel Comics stands for everything that we as Americans believe to be the core values of our nation.
That we fight the good fight. That we Americans want our Freedoms given to every person on this planet.
We as a nation want to believe that America stands for Good.
Truth, Justice and that other part of the phrase so blatantly left out of last summer's SUPERMAN RETURNS - - The American Way.
After years Bush and Cheney and Haliburton and Scooter Libby and the rest of the Rogues Gallery, we're full of ironic, bitchy, jaded comments about "The American Way," but when Superman can't plainly say that he stands for it - - The American Way - - and when Captain America is struck down so easily by a sniper, something has changed.
As Joe Simon, 93 year old co- creator of Captain America, stated today in the press...
"We really need him now."
I agree, Mr. Simon.
This nation without Captain America is pretty damn scary.
You know that song from WAITING FOR GUFFMAN, "Nothing Ever Happens on Mars?"
Well, I'm sure a lot of people feel that "Nothing Ever Happens on Blogs."
Yesterday on this blog, however, that was not the case.
First and foremost, for those of you who don't peruse the comments section of my blog, Jason Robert Brown himself "clicked on by" to set the record straight (as it were) that...
A) Erv Raible never put a mirror on his piano so that Jason would have to watch himself play and...
B) That he (Jason) still makes "odd faces" (his words, not mine) when he plays.
Now, I have no way of knowing if the comment left by "J-Ro" is indeed that of Mr. Jason Robert Brown himself, but until I get the official word from Fox News that J-Ro is nothing but a "Jason Robert Brown Wannabe," then I'm telling everyone that...
Jason Robert Brown Reads My Blog, Ya'll!!!
That should kill my star- fucker ex-boyfriend.
Hopefully.
In other news, blogger Haunted Tuna (how much do I love that blog handle?!?!?) commented that "Von of the Crackhead Faces," who I posted a clip of yesterday singing I'M TELLIN' YOU, I'M NOT GOIN', could not hold a candle to 11 year old Bianca Ryan.
I had no idea who Bianca Ryan was and asked him to educate me - - and he did with this clip.
Haunted Tuna - You're right! Bianca does sing that song much, much better than "Seizure Boy Von."
And she kinda proves my point about I'M TELLIN' YOU, I'M NOT GOIN' being the song to sing if you want to win any competition - - Bianca won AMERICA'S GOT TALENT last year.
Note to Barack Obama: Start learning the lyrics to I'M TELLIN' YOU, I'M NOT GOIN', right friggin' now!
Ya'll, that Bianca Ryan girl is good.
Am I gonna have to start watching AMERICA'S GOT TALENT now?
I already have to to start watching DANCING WITH THE STARS just in case Heather Mills' leg flies off during the Samba or something.
Oh, come on! Don't judge. You gonna watch that show for the EXACT same reason and you know it!
So will Paul McCartney.
In this picture, I imagine Heather is saying...
"That's great, Larry, just great. Now, give me my fucking leg back, ok??!?!?!
I call it "Cabaret Bootcamp" because I can't take "The Art of Cabaret" too damn seriously or I get a rash.
I remember Erv Raible, who is sort of The Cabaret Godfather in NYC, told us that Jason Robert Brown used to play in Erv's piano bar.
Mr. Brown... or Mr. Robert Brown, whichever it is... is a Tony Award winning composer of such musicals as PARADE, THE LAST FIVE YEARS and song cycles like SONGS FOR A NEW WORLD.
Erv said that when Jason started playing in his club, he would make these strange, twisted faces when he performed. Finally, Erv put a huge mirror on the piano facing Jason and said something like...
"We have to sit here and look at you making those ugly faces. Now, you do, too!"
Apparently, it cured Jason of his bad habit.
Now, I know we all have bad habits on stage. After I shaved my head, I had a few people complain that I would run my hand over my head when I sang "as if you're moving your hair out of your eyes." They thought it was distracting.
I told them to fuck off.
I wasn't "pretending to move the hair out of my eyes." Those of you blessed with a full head of hair don't understand that with my shaved head, when I sweat, there is nothing to absorb all that moisture and it slowly begins to trickle down into my face. I'm simply wiping the sweat away. I'm not pretending to flip my Farrah Fawcett- Majors 'doo!
Britney understands what I'm talking about, don't you Brit?
I truly understand physical idiosyncrasies and the last thing I want is for a performer to be self- conscious or to start thinking about what their body is doing.
But this guy... this YouTube wonder who made his television debut on THE VIEW last week... this white kid singing I'M TELLIN' YOU, I'M NOT GOIN' from DREAMGIRLS...
...well, as a little girl said to me after my performance as Shere Khan in THE JUNGLE BOOK last year when I asked her if I was scary or too frightening...
"Nah. You're just silly."
This guy is just silly. Talented? Yes. Has a better career than me at age 20? Definitely! But he's way, friggin' silly.
And let me say this: Is he really that good a singer or is just singing a really great song?
See, I judge this WINDY CITY GAY IDOL competition (my first round I judge this year is at Hydrate this Thursday night at 9pm) and when people ask me what they should sing in the finals, I always say, "I'M TELLIN' YOU, I'M NOT GOIN'" because it always, Always, ALWAYS makes the drunken crowd go bat- shit crazy.
In vaudeville, if you wanted a standing ovation at the end of your act, you sang a patriotic song. Nowadays, if you want to sing on THE VIEW or win an Academy Award, you sing I'M TELLIN YOU', I'M NOT GOIN'.
Dear Lord, these online "tests" are becoming my obsession.
It's just like the Dungeons & Dragons obsession I had when I was kid.
Thankfully, no 20- sided dice are needed for this new obsession.
But I would roll a whole box full of 20- sided dice and face a horde of orcs with only a 2nd level Druid if D&D could show the world that my inner Classic Movie Dame is...
Myrna Loy
You are loaded with a quirky kind of class that people find irresistible. Men turn and look at you admiringly as you walk down the street, and even your rivals have a grudging respect for you. You usually know the right thing to say, do and, of course, wear. You can take charge of a situation when things get out of hand, and you do it with great poise and chic. Your wit and sense of fun endear you to your partner and every other man in the room. Your screen partners include William Powell and Cary Grant. You're quite a catch...if you want to be caught.
Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the
I'm quite a catch... if I want to get caught. Wow, these online tests are SO "on the money," aren't they?!?!
But looking at my "variables," apparently I suck at "flair" with a "grit" less than true, but I'm stocked up on "class" and my "wit" is nearly off the chart!
When you take into account that I was born in a part of the country where you can smoke during your wedding, that "class" and "wit" rating really are impressive!
I love that I'm Myrna Loy.
Now, all I have to do is become incredibly rich, get a dog named Asta and marry a private dick who shares my love of hooch.
Compared to getting our country out of Iraq, my goals seem much more achievable, don't you think?
Like so many other Chicago actors, I knew Dan socially from seeing him in shows, from bar hopping but I mostly remember him on open mic nights at the Gentry. And for one particular song he would sing.
All singers have their "signature songs." For quite awhile, I sang BUDDY'S BLUES from FOLLIES at everything - - the opening of an envelope and I would sing it.
I used to introduce it by saying, "This is the Sondheim song that perfectly describes my love life." After I said that one night, someone in the audience yelled out...
"ANOTHER HUNDRED PEOPLE?"
Bitch.
Ty Perry owns WALKIN' IN MEMPHIS in this town. And maybe Dorothy Loudon is known for introducing us to FIFTY PERCENT in the original production of BALLROOM, but in Chicago - - even though she's living in L.A. now - - FIFTY PERCENT is a tour de force when sung by Alexandra Billings and everyone knows better than to even try to surpass the perfection she brings to that song.
Alex would never, ever say that FIFTY PERCENT is "her song," but I would rather sing THE WORLD GOES 'ROUND after Liza than sing FIFTY PERCENT after Alex anyday!
And I would never want to be the singer brought up to the mic after Dan Proctor sang FATHERS AND SONS from the musical WORKING. Dan sang it in that astounding bass- baritone of his and it always stopped the room. His voice, his passion for the song, his straightforward "telling of the story" - - his interpretation was always breathtaking.
How fabulous is Dan Proctor? Well, this is the "Warning" that is posted on the site before you enter his photo gallery:
Warning:Some of the photos submitted contain pictures of lewd gestures and Dan's bare butt. If you are shocked by Dan's bare butt or any lewd gestures that may be in these photos... you probably don't know Dan very well.
Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession
The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.
Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.
What is The Information SuperHighway trying to tell me these days? In the Dark Ages I'm a "Royal Tool" and my Tarot Card is a Devil card with not one but THREE figures grabbing their crotches!
Oh... I know... the internet is just telling everyone that I'm hung.
Hell, one google image search can tell people that...
For those of you who don't believe in the power of superheroes or who might think that my $30 a week comic book obsession is not a "Man Magnet," I offer you this little story.
Earlier in the day, Philip emailed me the superhero he created...
WINGMAN
I wrote him back and said...
How much do I love WINGMAN! Although, I keep thinking of TOP GUN when I hear the name WINGMAN, so I think his catch phrase should be: "I feel the need. The need for speed!"
Then last night, he sent me this...
I had a date this afternoon with a very cute, very nice, son of seminarians. Just. Like. Me.
Halfway through our date, our waiter came up to me, and said, "I don't mean to interrupt, but are you a model?"
I said, "God, no. And God bless you!" and he said, "Because Katie (the other waiter) and I both thought you must be a model, and I just had to ask."
I told him that he and Katie were my new favorite people and that, if I worked hard for the rest of my life, I still wouldn't have enough money to leave them the tip they just earned.
How great is that!?!? Perfect date. I couldn't have planned it better.
Point is, I was almost late for the date because I was designing WINGMAN.
WingMan, the super hero who cock blocks, intercedes, protects from bad dates, and assists in setting up good ones. Yes, THAT WingMan.
Oh, his catch phrase: "I've Got This."
And before you even THINK of asking, I already have dibbs on borrowing WingMan for the next two or three... millennia. So, back off!
My favorite part of this Dark Ages character creation is that while you can choose the gender, hair, clothing and footwear of your character and even decide between being a Knight or being a Peasant...
...the site generates your Dark Ages name!
And when I typed in "Stephen Rader," this is what came up for the name of my Dark Age Knight...
This article just dips a toe into how uber- cool all things Seuss were, are and will continue to be!
"It was his publisher who first involved Geisel in creating entertaining children's books with a limited vocabulary for beginning readers. In May 1954, Life magazine published a report about illiteracy among school children. Among the factors cited by the report was the fact that children were bored by the books that were available at the beginning reader level. His publisher sent Geisel a list of 400 words and challenged him to come up with a book that would use about 250 of the words. Geisel used 236 of the words for The Cat in the Hat, and it was an instant success."
Did you know that we have Prohibition and a "drinking party" to thank for the name "Dr. Seuss?"
When young Theodor Geisel was at Dartmouth, he worked on THE JACK- O- LANTERN, a humor magazine at the college. He became it's editor- in- chief, but the school insisted he resign from the magazine when he was caught throwing a "drinking party" right smack dab in the middle of Prohibition - - you gotta love that!
From that point on, his work on THE JACK- O- LANTERN was signed "Seuss" - - his middle name and his mother's maiden name. The name "Dr. Seuss" came just a short while later.
And did you know that "Seuss" isn't pronounced like "goose" with an S?
With his German ancestry, Mr. Geisel pronounced his pen name "soice" and not "suice." This rhyme from one of his Dartmouth classmates proves it...
You're wrong as the deuce, And you shouldn't rejoice. If you're calling him Seuss, He pronounces it Soice.
I guess I have to call my show SOICICAL THE MOICICAL from now on...
...which is odd, makes no sense whatsoever and I actually prefer over SEUSSICAL THE MUSICAL.
Look at me in that picture. Dear Lord. It's over for me, isn't it?
And since my gut reaction was to call my super- hottie "Rad" before I settled on "Bolt," I knew a name change was in order.
Why Rad? Because my AOL screen name was/is "StephenRad," and some people started calling me "Stevie Rad" (don't) and then simply "Rad" (again, seriously... don't!).
So, here he is - - Rad.
Hot? Yeah, I know.
Is he gay? Ummmm... Hello? I made him.
What are his powers? How the fuck should I know? Who cares. He's HOT!
I actually find ordering anything at all at a Starbucks to be one of the funniest things on the planet. Just trying to spit out all the options is hilarious to me.
"Grande, skim, double no- whip carmel mocha latte, easy on the foam."
I don't trust any company whose smallest sized beverage is named "Tall."
So, no coffee for me.
I start my day each morning with a Diet Coke.
I saw this ad at one of the bus stops on Michigan Avenue.
If there was ever an advertising image that spoke to the core of my being, it's this one.
The clip at the bottom of this posting is one of the newer trailers for 300 which opened today.
Rorschach is a central character in the grand-daddy of graphic novels, THE WATCHMEN written by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons.
This is Zack Snyder. Yeah, I'd LOVE for him to tease me. He makes comic book movies AND he's humpy. What more could I possibly want?
