"The Divine Sister"

Years ago, I attended the Eugene O'Neill Theater Center's Cabaret Symposium.

It was basically a boot camp for cabaret singers. An extremely expensive boot camp for cabaret singers.

And yes, when you combine "boot camp" with "cabaret," you surpass "gay" completely. You move into an phase of gaiety that... Well, it's not even enough to call it "uber-gay." It's like "gay-beta." Or "fag 2.0."

That said, the brilliantly funny Julie Halston was one of our master teachers at the symposium. You've seen Ms. Halston in movies and TV shows, but you may not know her by name. However, if you've ever seen her on stage, you'll never forget her. Charles Busch has written several roles for Julie, from "Vampire Lesbians of Sodom" to their current show, "The Divine Sister."

Check out this video where Julie discusses her mother, the Mafia, and the dangers of visiting a tanning salon after a two-day cocaine bender. This woman is a comic genius.

"Oh, Sammy!"

I had a pretty good callback this past Saturday. A good callback for a great new play. And Paul Lynde possibly increased my chances of landing the part.

Well, Paul Lynde via Charles Nelson Reilly via Alice Ghostley.

Paul and Charles stole their signature delivery from Alice, and I stole that delivery and used it to delivery a line in the callback that resulted in the biggest laugh I got, so...

Thanks, Alice, Charles and especially Paul.

When it comes to comedy, steal from the best.

Paul Lynde answering a question about the Pope, anyone? Click play and have a happy Monday.

"Butter is Everything, You Ignorant Bitch!"

Ladies and gentlemen...

I know that Sunday is a day away...

But I thought we could use a little Jesus this morning.

Preach, Sister Paula.

PREACH!!!

"You Can Run Against the Wind, But Not Away From Me!"

Today, as I was riding the bus to work, I looked out on Michigan Avenue and saw a mime.

A black mime.

Now, before you start acting like everyone else on the bus with me (meaning that you DON'T react AT ALL), let me break this down for you.

This was an African-American man IN WHITE FACE acting like he was trapped inside a box.

Am I the ONLY person who thinks this is worthy of a Scooby Doo "Rrrrrrwwwwrrrr?!?" moment?

Imagine the exact opposite. Image that I was standing on the sidewalk on Michigan Avenue in the middle of the day in black face. And instead of miming like I'm trapped inside a box, I'm lip syncing to Diana Ross' "I'm Coming Out."

Wouldn't that be a "WTF?" moment for you?

I'm just looking for little equal opportunity "WTF?".

And speaking of "WTF?," check out Batman's line to one of the understandably lesser known Batman villains, The Mime.

"Stop! You can run against the wind, but not away from me!"

And you wonder why I read comic books. Gems like that aren't found in just ANY medium. Geez...

"If You'll Be Mrs. O'Leary, Baby, I Will Be Your Cow!"

This St. Patrick's Day, I have walked through the Loop here in beautiful, downtown Chicago, and I have but one thing to say...

I don't ever, Ever, EVER want to hear another straight person say ANYTHING about Gay Pride Day ever again. Period.

You have a problem with boys in Speedos, dykes on bikes with their tits hanging out and drag queens on roller blades. Really? You're wearing green sunglasses and a fake green beard and you just pissed all over yourself while vomiting into a plastic green hat and YOU have a problem with US? REALLY?!?

St. Patrick's Day is one classy holiday. Classy with a capital K.

Your honor...

...Exhibit A.

I'm all for hairy bears, I love fun, beauty queen sashes, and however you want to earn money (even if it's stripping and having strangers stick dollar bills in your bra) is okay with me, but...

...doing the splits and using your sphincter to pick up God-only-knows-what off of concrete during the family hour is just plain wrong.


****

And speaking of "just plain wrong,"
how dare this man simulate oral sex on his "instrument."


****

And just where do you think that man on the left if about to stick that drum stick?
That poor girl in the green wrap will be walking funny for weeks.


****

Hey, you! Yes, you! Douche bag on the far right!
GET OFF YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE!
You're in a parade, for God's sake!!!

(I love how he has his finger in his ear,
as if the PARADE is disturbing HIM. Prick.)


****

I'm all for the "Bend and Snap," but the girl on the far right has spotted SOMETHING on or in the girl in front of her. From the look on the face of the girl in front of her, it's something in her, for sure.


****

There's so much going on here, I can't even begin to break it down.
Those poor dogs. What did they do to deserve this?


****

Honey. Sweetie. Sweet girl. Those beer goggles are for the guys you're hoping will fuck you. Because if you wear them, they can still see your face.


****

I liked Helena Bonham Carter better in THE KING'S SPEECH. This ALICE IN WONDERLAND look her husband created for her is just... disturbing.


****

Ummm... The Power Rangers can't even get it right. We don't want the Red Ranger on St. Patrick's Day, we want the Green Ranger.


****

Oh. There she is.


****

Before you even ask, no that is NOT me in the Pink Ranger costume.

****

I was the Blue Ranger that day. Doing what I do best. Entertaining the masses.
And yes, it's massive, honey. Mass-IVE!

"Can He Swing From a Thread?"

Poor "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark."

They just can't seem to catch a break. No matter how much money they throw at it or into it, they just can't seem to get this juggernaut off the ground.

Get it? Juggernaut?

As in, "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!"

Anyway...

The show is, of course, low hanging fruit (so to speak) for comedy writers. Hell, I've been making fun of it ever since it was announced. So, I love this SNL skit.

Mainly, the "Jersey Boys" line.

And the man-on-man, Spider-Man / MaryJane almost-kiss.

Homo fanboy Heaven. If that ever actually happened, that is...

"Your Hat... Is... Stunning!"

If Charles Nelson Reilly was still with us and worked for the airlines...

And if I was lucky enough to be stripped and patted down by a burly TSA agent named Bruno...

Airport security would like Saturday night in the back room of a gay bar.

Wishful thinking...

"You've Got Possibilities"

Dear God...

Is she going to do it?

Is Julie Taymor ACTUALLY going to be able to create a GOOD superhero musical for the Broadway stage? (Or the Broadway circus tent, as the case is going to be)

It's been almost 50 years since "It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Superman" did to showtunes what "Catwoman" and "Judge Dredd" did to motion pictures, but for all my misgivings (and I have and have had SEVERAL), something makes me feel giddy inside and has me believing that Taymor might actually pull it off.

Or maybe I just want to wear this Swiss Miss costume. Yeah, that's really what's making me all tingly inside.

Eat your heart out, Lady Gaga.

"Upside Down"

Since it's been so long since my last post, I thought I might bridge the gap with a post similar to the last one.

"Upside down. Boy, you turn me.

"Inside out & round & round.

"Upside down, you're turning me.

"You're giving love instinctively.

"Round & round you're turning me."

Indeed...

"Islands in the Stream"

"Islands in the stream,

That is what we are.

No one in-between.

How can we be wrong?

Sail away with me to another world,

And we rely on each other, ah-ah.

From one lover to another, ah-ah"

"Take Me Out to the Ball (Game)..."

I've done it. I've found him. I've found my next boyfriend!

I haven't met him yet, have no idea where he lives, and there's the slight problem that he's straight, but I'm confident that a Google search and multiple shots of Grand Marnier will take care of those issues in no time.

This is Bo. Or as he has been nicknamed, "Bo the Bailer." I imagine / hope he's as young and dumb (and full of... well... you know...) as he seems in the video, because, when a foul ball came flying towards Bo and his girlfriend (his FORMER girlfriend, I might add), Bo bailed. And this lovely woman was hit by the ball.

But for me, the young and dumb part of Bo trumps any bailing he could ever do to me.

Besides, I don't have a problem with balls hitting me. Foul or otherwise.

"I'm Hungry for Love. Set the Table"

My buddy Kevin at The Lisp knows how to make an overly stressed, over-worked, bald homo-fanboy feel better..

He sent me this Robin.

This might be my favorite Robin of all time. Seriously.

Hot, hairy and smart. Just look at how he solved that costume problem of Robin's.

...You know, the green bikini briefs and green elven booties, and those flesh-colored tights that Burt Ward wore with them...

How did this Robin solve that costume crisis? He just took 'em off.

'Atta girl.

Just look at that ass.

"Holy Hole-in-a-Donut," indeed.

"Little Girls, Little Girls, Everywhere I Turn I Can See Them"

Take the cast members from "The Kids in the Hall," dress them up like former child beauty pageant contestants a la "Toddlers & Tiaras" and have them join my boyfriend Joel McHale on "The Soup" and you have my idea of Heaven.

Well, Gay Heaven, anyway.

I love this. I love this so hard.

"Somebody Thought of That..."

Kal-el's version of that Kermit the frog classic tune...

"Someday, we'll find it...

"...the Krypton Connection....

"the toothaches...

"...the dentists...

"...and me!"

This is why I read comic books.

For the random, "What the fuck is going on?!?" factor.

I live for it.

"This Isn't a Wig, I Have Loose Scalp"

We've waited a long time for it, but it's here...

It's finally here!

A new episode of "Katie's Corner."

With my good friend Alexandra Billings channeling the late, great Katharine Hepburn.

That's me and Alex in the pic on the right.

I could tell you what we were doing at that moment, but it would shock the children.

"I Want You to Hit Me as Hard as You Can"

From what I can tell from this picture taken during the filming of "Giant," James Dean apparently thought that Rock Hudson needed a good cock-punching.

All I have to say to that is... Atta girl!

Now, to be sure, Rock probably enjoyed getting his cock punched by Jimmie Dean. Hell, Rock probably asked for it. Okay, begged for it. I know I would have. If that punch was aimed at my backside instead of my front, that is.

But most men probably doesn't appreciate a hard fist slamming into and around a bulging package. So, let's play a little game.

It's called "Who Do You Think Needs a Good Cock-Punching Right Now?"

So, tell me. Who would you push to the front of the line if someone was offering free and painful cannonballs to the cock?

Mel Gibson, Dick Cheney and every executive at BP start my list. But again, Darth Cheney would probably enjoy it. Seriously. He's probably laugh and start begging for a harder cock-punching.

God, I hate dudes who top from the bottom. Oy...

Fratboy Friday

Finally. One pic that ALMOST encompasses all of the Fratboy Friday categories. This cutie has it all...

BOYS IN CAPS, SAGGERS, and

DAMN, I WAS DRUNK LAST NIGHT

Don't worry. You'll still get your...

MOONER

A mooner behind glass.

Yeah... Like that's gonna stop me...

"How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?"

I've always had a little soft spot for the 50's comic book Batman.

The goofiness... The square-jawed, white-slits-for-eyes face in a Bat-cowl... The Batmobile with a Bat-face hood ornament bigger than the Boy Wonder...

The first Bat-Girl, a tennis pro turned superhero... The first Batwoman, who used cosmetic compacts to fight crime, and was introduced simply to make the relationship between Batman and Robin appear less like the NAMBLA love story that it actually is...

And of course, Ace the Bat-Hound. A dog. In a mask. With a Bat-symbol around his neck. Hung there to scare the bad guys, I suppose. Because, as Bruce Wayne said, "Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot."

Over the years, Ace has come and gone, but until today, I don't think we knew he could sing. I mean, really sing.

Here Ace as a pug singing the theme song to the 60's Batman TV show. If this doesn't cure what ails you, nothing will.

"Look at Your Life. Look at Your Choices."

Okay...

I just watched the latest Sassy Gay Friend video and cackled like Paula Deen enjoying a fried stick of butter.

The Sassy Gay Friend meets Shel Silverstein's "The Giving Tree."

The Giving Tree, y'all. The Giving Tree.

"Methinks the Lady Doth Protest Too Much"

Not to rain on Gay Pride (Chicago's weather will be taking care of that any time now), but here's Mike (I Don't Heart) Huckabee from earlier this morning defending his claim that gay relationships illicit an "ick factor."

A couple of quick questions before I go put on all white (with no underwear) to stand and watch the parade in the rain:

A) Since the U.S. is a republic, not a democracy, why are laws being passed by ballot initiative? Oh, that's right. So that the majority can deny the minority their equal rights.

B) Huckabee reads the articles in those gay rags put out by The Edge?!? Does he "read" the Undergear catalog too?

Happy Pride, everyone.

While we enjoy today, take time to remember that it ain't over.

And also remember that, for the most part, it has been the drag queens, nellie fags and bull dykes who have pushed this movement forward from it's birth at Stonewall till this very day, so if anyone says anything about anyone flaunting it, camping it or bearing their breasts, tell them I said to fuck off and get in the back of the line. 'Nuff said.