"This Show Could Not Be Any Gayer If Liza Was Named Mayor"

Okay. The Tony Awards. Where to start...

Well, let's get the big shocker from the opening number out of the way. This is Bret Michaels singing in a number from Rock of Ages, and as the those nutty kids with their rock and roll say today, he gets "PWNED" by the set. And by "PWNED" I mean, "knocked on his ass"...

Alex, Eric and I watched that about 87,000 times last night and laughed our asses off. Tony host Neil Patrick Harris later informed the audience that Bret was alright and said...

"His number gave head-banging

a whole new meaning."

Genius.

And while we're on the subject, critics need to lay off Neil Patrick Harris. He looked like a million bucks, he was cute, witty, smart, succinct and did what he was supposed to do - - he kept the show going and kept us entertained. He didn't do a mediocre job, he did a sensational job as host.

Stockard Channing somehow looked younger than she did in Grease. She looked like a 46 year old high school student in Grease (Jerri Blank anyone?) and last night she looked 39 and fabulous.

I now really want to see Next to Normal (Why exactly did Chicago's Goodman Theatre turn this musical DOWN?!?), Billy Elliot (Were those three boys accepting their Tony adorable or what?) and (I can't believe I'm typing this...) Shrek: The Musical (Tell me that Christopher Sieber is not doing Paul Lynde as Lord Farquaad? Paul Lynde with a side of Liberace!)...

And, as you can hear in that clip, whoever was in charge of the sound for last night's ceremony should be forced to listen to the touring company of Mamma Mia sing "Dancing Queen" for all eternity. Those singers and the sound throughout the night SUCKED.

Angela Lansbury won her 5th Tony and looked sensational. "The Dance at the Gym" from West Side Story still knocks you to the back wall. And I never want to hear "Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat" ever again. With or without a stage hand running on stage and handing the lead singer a mic, after said stagehand has spent a full minute off stage saying...

"Am I going in with it (the mic)?

I'm going. I'm going! I'M GOING!"

...saying this INTO THE LIVE MICROPHONE! Oy...

Finally, what's not to love about a crazy-assed Liza acceptance speech? Or Neil Patrick Harris walking on stage with a plate full of sushi, saying...

"This stuff is great! I have, like, so much energy. Like, if I ate this all the time, I could do show after show, night after night..."

That little bit said more about the Jeremy Piven idiocy of sushi making him unable to perform than anything that has been written. Period.

But my favorite part of the night was Gregory Jbara, winning for Billy Elliot and bringing his wife on stage with him for his acceptance speech, saying that she had been a single parent for a year so that he could do this show and win this award. Classy, heartfelt and so touching.

Now, not a word about how Carrie Fisher looked. Not a word!