Mrs. Parker

For nearly a year now, I have been passing my bus ride to and from downtown reading comic books.

I know it's been nearly a year because I fell off the wagon of my self-imposed "comic book abstinence" when I started picking up DC Comics groundbreaking one- issue- per- week series 52 - - and this week is Week 50.

I know you can't really see it when the image is this size, but if you want to know why I read comic books, check out the tone, form and bubbly-goodness of Black Adam's ass.

I dated and/or "slept with" a hot dancer in the first national tour of FOSSE who had a butt you could bounce a quarter off of and even that pales in comparison to the Black Adam badonkadonk!

But this morning, for the first time in months, I had no new comics to read.

So, I grabbed one of my favorite collections for the ride - - THE POETRY AND SHORT STORIES OF DOROTHY PARKER.

And while reading over a hilarious story in the book's introduction, I realized something...

What the world needs now is
Mrs. Dorothy Parker.

These days, everyone seems to be able to tell everyone else what they can or cannot say. Our language is being broken down into "good" and "bad" words. If we offend someone with our turn of phrase, they demand an immediate apology, excessive "mea culpa," and of course, the inevitable rehab.

I hope when they try to shut down my language that the heavens provide me with a little sliver of Mrs. Parker's wit and enough of her courage to actually say the words out loud.

Here is the story from my collection's introduction...

"...in 1961, (Mrs. Parker and her second husband Alan) Campbell staged a reconciliation of sorts and remained together until his apparent suicide in 1963. Asked at the time by a meddling acquaintance if there was anything she needed, Mrs. Parker dryly replied...

"Get me a new husband."

When the woman expressed disgust at what she considered the callousness of the remark, Mrs. Parker, her wit ever intact, sighed and said gently...

"So sorry.
Then run down to the corner and get me a ham and cheese on rye and tell them to hold the mayo."