"The Divine Sister"

Years ago, I attended the Eugene O'Neill Theater Center's Cabaret Symposium.

It was basically a boot camp for cabaret singers. An extremely expensive boot camp for cabaret singers.

And yes, when you combine "boot camp" with "cabaret," you surpass "gay" completely. You move into an phase of gaiety that... Well, it's not even enough to call it "uber-gay." It's like "gay-beta." Or "fag 2.0."

That said, the brilliantly funny Julie Halston was one of our master teachers at the symposium. You've seen Ms. Halston in movies and TV shows, but you may not know her by name. However, if you've ever seen her on stage, you'll never forget her. Charles Busch has written several roles for Julie, from "Vampire Lesbians of Sodom" to their current show, "The Divine Sister."

Check out this video where Julie discusses her mother, the Mafia, and the dangers of visiting a tanning salon after a two-day cocaine bender. This woman is a comic genius.

"Oh, Sammy!"

I had a pretty good callback this past Saturday. A good callback for a great new play. And Paul Lynde possibly increased my chances of landing the part.

Well, Paul Lynde via Charles Nelson Reilly via Alice Ghostley.

Paul and Charles stole their signature delivery from Alice, and I stole that delivery and used it to delivery a line in the callback that resulted in the biggest laugh I got, so...

Thanks, Alice, Charles and especially Paul.

When it comes to comedy, steal from the best.

Paul Lynde answering a question about the Pope, anyone? Click play and have a happy Monday.

"Butter is Everything, You Ignorant Bitch!"

Ladies and gentlemen...

I know that Sunday is a day away...

But I thought we could use a little Jesus this morning.

Preach, Sister Paula.

PREACH!!!

"You Can Run Against the Wind, But Not Away From Me!"

Today, as I was riding the bus to work, I looked out on Michigan Avenue and saw a mime.

A black mime.

Now, before you start acting like everyone else on the bus with me (meaning that you DON'T react AT ALL), let me break this down for you.

This was an African-American man IN WHITE FACE acting like he was trapped inside a box.

Am I the ONLY person who thinks this is worthy of a Scooby Doo "Rrrrrrwwwwrrrr?!?" moment?

Imagine the exact opposite. Image that I was standing on the sidewalk on Michigan Avenue in the middle of the day in black face. And instead of miming like I'm trapped inside a box, I'm lip syncing to Diana Ross' "I'm Coming Out."

Wouldn't that be a "WTF?" moment for you?

I'm just looking for little equal opportunity "WTF?".

And speaking of "WTF?," check out Batman's line to one of the understandably lesser known Batman villains, The Mime.

"Stop! You can run against the wind, but not away from me!"

And you wonder why I read comic books. Gems like that aren't found in just ANY medium. Geez...

"If You'll Be Mrs. O'Leary, Baby, I Will Be Your Cow!"

This St. Patrick's Day, I have walked through the Loop here in beautiful, downtown Chicago, and I have but one thing to say...

I don't ever, Ever, EVER want to hear another straight person say ANYTHING about Gay Pride Day ever again. Period.

You have a problem with boys in Speedos, dykes on bikes with their tits hanging out and drag queens on roller blades. Really? You're wearing green sunglasses and a fake green beard and you just pissed all over yourself while vomiting into a plastic green hat and YOU have a problem with US? REALLY?!?

St. Patrick's Day is one classy holiday. Classy with a capital K.

Your honor...

...Exhibit A.

I'm all for hairy bears, I love fun, beauty queen sashes, and however you want to earn money (even if it's stripping and having strangers stick dollar bills in your bra) is okay with me, but...

...doing the splits and using your sphincter to pick up God-only-knows-what off of concrete during the family hour is just plain wrong.


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And speaking of "just plain wrong,"
how dare this man simulate oral sex on his "instrument."


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And just where do you think that man on the left if about to stick that drum stick?
That poor girl in the green wrap will be walking funny for weeks.


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Hey, you! Yes, you! Douche bag on the far right!
GET OFF YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE!
You're in a parade, for God's sake!!!

(I love how he has his finger in his ear,
as if the PARADE is disturbing HIM. Prick.)


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I'm all for the "Bend and Snap," but the girl on the far right has spotted SOMETHING on or in the girl in front of her. From the look on the face of the girl in front of her, it's something in her, for sure.


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There's so much going on here, I can't even begin to break it down.
Those poor dogs. What did they do to deserve this?


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Honey. Sweetie. Sweet girl. Those beer goggles are for the guys you're hoping will fuck you. Because if you wear them, they can still see your face.


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I liked Helena Bonham Carter better in THE KING'S SPEECH. This ALICE IN WONDERLAND look her husband created for her is just... disturbing.


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Ummm... The Power Rangers can't even get it right. We don't want the Red Ranger on St. Patrick's Day, we want the Green Ranger.


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Oh. There she is.


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Before you even ask, no that is NOT me in the Pink Ranger costume.

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I was the Blue Ranger that day. Doing what I do best. Entertaining the masses.
And yes, it's massive, honey. Mass-IVE!

"Can He Swing From a Thread?"

Poor "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark."

They just can't seem to catch a break. No matter how much money they throw at it or into it, they just can't seem to get this juggernaut off the ground.

Get it? Juggernaut?

As in, "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!"

Anyway...

The show is, of course, low hanging fruit (so to speak) for comedy writers. Hell, I've been making fun of it ever since it was announced. So, I love this SNL skit.

Mainly, the "Jersey Boys" line.

And the man-on-man, Spider-Man / MaryJane almost-kiss.

Homo fanboy Heaven. If that ever actually happened, that is...

"Your Hat... Is... Stunning!"

If Charles Nelson Reilly was still with us and worked for the airlines...

And if I was lucky enough to be stripped and patted down by a burly TSA agent named Bruno...

Airport security would like Saturday night in the back room of a gay bar.

Wishful thinking...

"You've Got Possibilities"

Dear God...

Is she going to do it?

Is Julie Taymor ACTUALLY going to be able to create a GOOD superhero musical for the Broadway stage? (Or the Broadway circus tent, as the case is going to be)

It's been almost 50 years since "It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Superman" did to showtunes what "Catwoman" and "Judge Dredd" did to motion pictures, but for all my misgivings (and I have and have had SEVERAL), something makes me feel giddy inside and has me believing that Taymor might actually pull it off.

Or maybe I just want to wear this Swiss Miss costume. Yeah, that's really what's making me all tingly inside.

Eat your heart out, Lady Gaga.