Monday, August 31, 2009

"Remember When... Amyl Nitrate Was Some Guy's Name?"

My friend Steve just posted this picture on "The Faceplace" with the following caption...

"Only at an airport in PTown."

...to which I replied...

"With only three ounces of lube and no poppers,
how am I supposed to enjoy
my membership in the
Mile High Club?"


Arrest? For poppers? It's not like I'm going to shove them under the pilot's nose or anything. Geez...


Friday, August 28, 2009

"I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter..."


Chris from As Seen from Up Here... joined me, my friend Mike, and Philip with his cute-as-pie boyfriend Bryan at a little homo house party / viewing of last night's "Project Runway."

And as a thank you for inviting him to the party, Chris sent me this Blunt Card.

He knows me so well.



So does my good buddy Java from my life, or something like it.

She sent me this Blunt Card a few days ago with this message..

"It spoke to me. It said 'Stephen!'"

She's so right about that.




However, this one...

This one, I sent to myself.

Because the only thing that says "Stephen" more than Java's or Chris' e-card is an "I Heart Anal" sign.

Look at me in that dress.

I looked good that day.


Fratboy Friday

This ENTIRE entry of Fratboy Friday comes from my new friend Robert. He sent me EVERY picture used here. And I have enjoyed them. A lot.

Thank you, Robert! We definitely share a taste for...


BOYS IN CAPS

Wouldn't "Stand By Me" have been better
if this shirtless boy played the Will Wheaton part?

Who cares if he can act. If he an grunt, he's a better actor
than Will Wheaton.





****





SAGGERS

Not just a sagger, a BEACH sagger.

It don't get no better than that.





****





MOONERS

As Robert said in his email to me...

"Can I touch Buckley's butt too?"

If you get to, Robert, let me know how it feels.

I would ask to get a whiff of your fingers after the fact,
but I'll ask you that in person.





****





DAMN, I WAS DRUNK LAST NIGHT

Drink and grab it, baby. Drink and grab it!

I'll see you at Hilton Head next month!




Thank you to Robert for the pics.

And the HOURS of fun they have given me!


Thursday, August 27, 2009

"On Second Thought, You Can Keep the Heart"





I'm in love with this.

I really, really love this.

Hard.

It's from Doctor Popular's "Robots Don't Know Anything About Twitter."

Check it out.

It's all sorts of genius.

"Too Gay"

One of my Facebook "friends" (yes, the quotations mean that I don't really know this person nor do I really know how I know this person) just wrote this as his status message...

"No....tooo memorable...they don't have a headshot I say...you better make me remembner you....and they do......and I don't wanna"

Confusing? Yes. He's holding auditions for some kind of project. One of his Facebook "friends" (who I do not know) left this comment...

"OK, other reasons you could give for not casting them: 1) If I ever go deaf and blind, you're in. 2) I was THIS CLOSE to casting you, but then I remembered you suck. 3) Too gay. 4) If being talented were a crime, I wouldn't want to see you behind bars. 5) Your audition was unbelievable! In fact, I didn't believe a single word of it."


...to which the "friend" who left the status message replied...

"I use 3 a LOT"

I typed the following response in the comment box, but because I really don't know this person very well, I haven't sent it...

"I know I'm woefully out of the loop here, but "Too gay"? That's the reason you give for not casting people? That's odd, because I didn't see too black, too Jewish or too Mexican on that list."

Am I being overly sensitive here?

For all I know, this "friend" is gay. But like Harvey Fierstein, Paul Lynde, Charles Nelson Reilly and Ripp Taylor, I come from a long line of sissies, and that "Too gay" statement really pisses me off!


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

"Shatter My Image with the Stones I'd Throw"

Ask and you shall receive... from someone else.

A few people asked for a recording of my performance this past Monday in Flip Flop and my good friend Aaron from Go Away I'm Reading took a little video of "Jolene."

Thank you so much Aaron. Hope you guys enjoy it. And if you do, let me know. I haven't watched the entire clip yet. I have an extremely hard time watching myself on film and/or listening to myself.

Watching this clip, I cringe at every pound I've gained, every fey gesture I make and every sibilant "S" I utter. I described my video self to Philip a few minutes ago by saying, "I'm a house. I'm a really, faggy house!"

I know it's not that bad. I'm just being hard on myself (don't say it). It's the Bette Davis in me.

On one of her last appearances on "The Tonight Show," Bette Davis told Johnny that, early in her career, when she would watch herself in the dailies, she would cry. She would cry because she thought she was so ugly.

But years later, sitting on Carson's couch after the stroke that left her looking like one of the trees from "The Wizard of Oz," Ms. Davis said that she now watches those same pieces of film and realizes that she was, "the best damn looking woman in Hollywood!"

So, hindsight may be 20/20, but if you're lucky, there's a ton of Vaseline smeared on the lens.



Thanks again to Aaron for the video. I greatly appreciate it.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

"A Lukewarm Royalty with a Whip from Outer Space"

I'm not necessarily a fashion forward person.

Hell, one look at what I'm wearing on any given day and you would seriously doubt that I follow fashion at all.

And I guess I don't. Unless watching "Project Runway" with the same passion that my grandmother had for attending Baptist Church sermons counts. (And it just might)

Just last week, I was at dinner with The New Boy for his birthday and he asked if I liked his sandals, which I did. But when he told me that they sometimes fly off his feet, making it difficult to walk, I said, "They're shoes. But they're difficult to wear when you're walking. So, why wear them?" And he replied, "Because they're cute."

Obviously, The New Boy is Couture King in this relationship.

But even if I'm more Old Navy than Oleg Cassini, I do appreciate and admire Anna Wintour.

Any woman who can synthesize her bad press into a cute, funny line about herself is alright by me.





And I simply cannot WAIT to see "The September Issue." I cannot wait!



"Na-Na, Na-Na, Na-Na, Na-Na, Batman!"


I haven't posted a Super Tuesday pic in a long time.

And I can't think of a better way to reintroduce the Super Tuesday series than posting this pic.

Wow.

Just...

Wow.

Suddenly, those plastic-nippled, Joel Schumacher Bat-suits don't seem quite so faggy, do they?

Monday, August 24, 2009

"Cocktail Time!"

This is friggin' genius.

I sometimes watch Sandra Lee. When she comes on after my girl, Paula Deen.

I love Sandra for her cocktails. I love this video even more.

Especially the phrase that starts at the 0.38 mark.

I love that a lot.



"VISA, It's Everywhere You Want to Be!"

ARE YOU THERE, BLOG? fan, Robert...

...I have fans. I love that!...

...It makes me feel so Sally Field...

..."You like me. You REALLY like me!"...

...Robert sent me a hot pic of a sagger earlier this morning, and then he sent me this picture.

And the subject line of his email to me is the quote I used for the title of this post.

I'm sure Robert would agree that wherever those boys are, we want to be there!

I doubt I will see ANY boys who look like this at Hilton Head next month, though.

That boy on the right is PACKIN'!

"A Few Timid People Who Fear Progress"

So, since President Obama is trying to ensure health insurance for all Americans, that means he's a Socialist, huh? Well, remember what President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said about his New Deal...

"A few timid people who fear progress will try to give you new and strange names for what we are doing.

"Sometimes they will call it Fascism, and sometimes Communism, and sometimes Regimentation, and sometimes Socialism, but in so doing, they are trying to make very complex and theoretical something that is really very simple and very practical."

The more things change, the more Republicans stay the same.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

"Flip, Flop and Fly!"

In a couple of nights, I will be at Sidetrack, singing songs that were originally made famous by women.

I know, I know... Me singing the hits of the gay diva icons while drinking way too much vodka. In my world, I simply refer to that as "Monday."

This Monday will be different, though. I will be on an actual stage. With a microphone. And people are going to pay to hear me sing songs that caused my father to lose all of his hair when he heard me sing them as a child. And all for a good cause!

"FLIP FLOP," a benefit for About Face Theatre's GLBT youth program, is this Monday, August 24th at Sidetrack. It is a one night concert where the gals sing guy songs and vice versa. It's a gay old time!

This year's theme is the 70's and the cast includes Amy Matheny, Elizabeth Laidlaw, Ora Jones, Matthew Amador, Liz Pazik, Aunt Lola Cabana, Christine Bunuan, Patrick Sarb, Paul Stovall, Loretta Rezos, George Keating, Patrick Andrews, Suzy Petri & Tom Michael.

This is the concert I posted about a month or so ago. The one that asked for suggestions of of 70's pop songs sung by women. A week or so after I asked everyone for help, I realized that I had already arranged and performed a song in one of my cabaret shows that perfectly fit this theme - - Dolly Parton's "Jolene."

In addition to my friend Trey Maclin joining me on "Jolene" (with Trey providing his usual "kick ass and take names" accompaniment on the guitar), I asked if I could sing one more song. A duet. But, as I said to the producers of the event, "Only if I sing the Streisand part!"

You know the song?

No, not THAT duet. Or that one. Or that one. Yes, that one. The uber-gay, disco one. Go figure.

So, if you're in Chicago, come to Sidetrack this Monday and see me do - - and I do mean "do!" - - both Dolly Parton AND Barbra Streisand! Back to back! Without a net!

With all those protrusions, I might lose an eye. Pray for me.

Hope to see you there!

Sidetrack Glass Bar
Monday August 24th
doors at 5pm / 6pm start til 8pm
$40 includes a drink and raffle ticket
aboutfacetheatre.com


P.S. It goes without saying that I will be staying at Sidetrack for showtunes, right?

"All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies..."

I love Blunt Cards.

We share a love of vintage photographs, four letter words and humor that makes Helen Keller jokes seem highbrow.

These are my people.

We both gravitated to this photograph. They used it on a card, I used it in my Caption Contest.

And Blunt Card...

...Not to be a bitch, cause I love you like a sister... BUT...

...Doug's caption is funnier.

Friday, August 21, 2009

"Fun, fun, fun, fun..."

The clip below is from tonight's episode of The Soup.

When is someone going to give me Joel McHale as a bedwarming gift?

Sorry, I meant housewarming gift.

Bedwarming, housewarming, it doesn't matter.

If that man was in my house, he could go wherever he likes.

Anywhere, except out the door.

Leave me and I'll go all "Fatal Attraction" on you, Mr. McHale.

I'm not going to be IGNORED, Joel!

Speaking of "Fatal Attraction," is Kate Gosselin the biggest psycho bitch on the planet or what? Sure, Jon's no prize and no saint, but if you nagged and yelled and complained about me 24/7, I'd cheat on you and your freaky, wannabe Posh Spice haircut too.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

"I'm Fighting Crimes Against Fashion!"

Here he is, the one and only Tim Gunn from his appearance last night on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

I would drink this man's bath water.

He's witty, urbane, stylish and strikingly handsome and he laughs loudly and joyously. That's a must for me.

And best of all, he's a Marvel superhero. Of sorts.

I simply cannot wait for tonight's first episode of the new season of Project Runway.

And as for Tim Gunn, as far as I'm concerned, I'd love it if I could be in AND out with him. And in and out and in and out and in and out...

Sorry. I had to go there. Just look at him in that tux. Tim looks better than Daniel Craig in a tux. Of course, Daniel looks better out of one.


The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Tim Gunn
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealthcare Protests

"Release the Butterflies!"

Finally.

The trailer for Season 4 of The Venture Bros.

This is, without a doubt, my favorite television show. Possibly of all time.

Nothing makes me laugh harder. Nothing. Especially The Monarch.

I so wish I had a Monarch costume. I would wear it every Halloween. And every Christmas.

New Year's Eve. Forth of July. Arbor Day. You name the day and I would wear the costume.

I might was well wear it and be The Monarch 24/7. I already have his voice.

Yeah, yeah... You thought it.

Enjoy the season four trailer.

Any other Venture Bros. fans out there?



Wednesday, August 19, 2009

"They Are Made of Tomorrow & Yesterday, Let's Walk"

Late last night, I sent out an eblast announcing that I am once again walking in Chicago's AIDS Run & Walk on Season of Concern's Team.

I had tried to send the blast twice yesterday evening and failed. Lucky for me, my bladder is aging even faster than my hairline (lucky?!?), because after one of my late night "wake up, get up and go, or you'll wish you'd kept those rubber sheets on the bed" pees, I was able to send the eblast with ease.

The fact that I'm only able to perform intricate and complicated tasks in that hazy time period before dawn and right after "last call for alcohol" isn't surprising in the least, is it?

Well, say what you will about my late night abilities, I've already received $525 in sponsorship donations! Thank you to Rhoda, Gregory, Rick, Douglas, my cousin Kristie and the oh-so handsome Karl for their incredible generosity.

I've copied a little bit of the eblast below. Follow the links to either join Season of Concern's AIDS Walk Team on October 3rd, or to make a donation and sponsor me in the Walk.

And if you walk on our team, there's a good chance you might be walking beside some really, really, really, really fabulous Chicagoans. Join us!

____

Join Season of Concern’s Team in the AIDS Run & Walk Chicago on October 3rd to fight complacency and support HIV/AIDS efforts in Chicagoland

…or if you are not available to participate, donate & sponsor me!

Season of Concern, the Chicagoland theatre community's fundraising effort providing compassionate care to those in our community who are experiencing the effects of HIV/AIDS and other catastrophic illnesses, is proudly sponsoring a team in the AIDS Foundation of Chicago’s annual AIDS Run & Walk Chicago.

And I have great news - - once again this year, Season of Concern will receive 100% of all funds raised through our team - - that includes registration fees and matching gifts!

Season of Concern contributes to programs that provide direct-care support to members of the theatre community and others in the Chicago area. Since 1988, funds have been raised through generous gifts from theatre artists, staffs, boards and audiences. Funds supported include The Actors Fund and The Biscotto-Miller Fund, SOC's internal fund which provides personal financial support, housing care, meals, medications, legal assistance and a variety of other services to theatre community members in need.

I hope that you will consider participating in the AIDS Run & Walk Chicago as a member of Season of Concern’s Team or that you will sponsor one of our Team Members. Last year, SOC had two teams participating - - our own team and a team from Chicago's WICKED & JERSEY BOYS! The two teams combined to blow our $10,000 goal out of the water with over $20,000 raised!

Our goal for this year's team is $25,000 in pledges. It's crucial that we make our goal and we need you to do it!

To join Season of Concern’s Team, simply click here to register and complete the New Participant Registration. Then, click on ‘"Join an Existing Team" and search for "Season of Concern" under Team Name. After that, simply follow the prompts to set your personal fundraising goal, register as a walker or runner, pay your registration fee ($20 - - and all $20 goes directly to Season of Concern!) and begin your fundraising!

With your help, I know that Season of Concern can accomplish our fundraising goal of $25,000 in pledges. Thank you so much for your support and your generosity!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

"Take a Look Overhead"

The always brilliant Prospero at Caliban's Revenge sent this to me this morning...

...Thank you, Sir. You know me so well...

...and you know, this kiosk may be a "FAIL," but it's actually a "WIN" in one distinct way.

If "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark" ever gets back on track and actually opens on Broadway, we can always see the show and then look back on this image and say...

"Well, it could have been worse."

And who thought that anything could be worse than a Spider-Man musical?

I'm not sure what's more frightening - - the fact that Spidey shoots webbing out of his ass, the look on MaryJane's face or the fins that the webhead wears for NO FRIGGIN' REASON!

Oh... my eyes... MY EYES!!!...


Monday, August 17, 2009

"What a Crazy Pair! But They're Cousins, Identical Cousins..."


My friend Kirk who puts together the weekly gay and lesbian mag Nightspots sent me this little treasure, knowing that I would be one of a very select group of people who would love it.

It's second only to Kirk's series of photographs in Nightspots entitled, "Crotch or Bea Arthur?"

Those were GENIUS!

Thanks for sending this to me, Kirk. I love it!


P.S. Since we're indirectly discussing Ms. Stritch, congratulations to Karen for landing the role of Joann in "Company." I can't wait to hear you knock 'em dead singing "The Ladies Who Lunch"!

"Treat Me Like a Fool, Treat Me Mean & Cruel, But Love Me"

Today is the day that Elvis Presley died.

I'm a big fan of Elvis. I wasn't really a huge fan until I had to play him on stage.

And play him well, I might add. I do believe the review in the Chicago Tribune said that, "Rader impersonates Elvis to the cell." Take that, Tony voters.

If, like most of the people in the world, you only think of Elvis as an over-weight man doing karate moves in a bedazzled, polyester jumpsuit minutes after eating a peanut butter and banana sandwich, watch the video below.

It's the second part of a tremendous documentary entitled, "Elvis '56." It follows Elvis' career during that year, the year he first received national media attention. And changed everything.

Just watch the video. The night of Elvis' second television appearance, Perry Como sang "Hot Diggity" on NBC. CBS had Elvis singing "Baby, Let's Play House." Night and day.

Presley was (and is) a revolution. Not to mention, hot. Very, very hot.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

"(He) Was Afraid to Come Out of the Locker..."

Alton Towers, a theme park in (where else) Alton, England, is battling the male bulge.

I should be so lucky.

Apparently, it was so hot there last weekend that several men actually wore tight, junk-hugging Speedos in the water park.

So, you see? Global warming isn't all bad.

Rachael Lockitt, public relations manager with the theme park said...

"With the heat wave over the weekend, we saw a big increase in men wearing tight Speedos. Plans are in place to introduce a ban, should this continue.

"We are a family resort and we don't want children asking questions."


I have a few questions...

First, what will James Bond wear if he has to go into the Alton Towers water park on a case? You try to cover up any more of my Daniel Craig and I'm gonna go all Sheree on your ass.

More importantly, are all the men in and around Alton, England really THAT well-endowed?

And if so, why am I living in Chicago?

That's husband material, ladies and homos. Can you imagine? A man who has a hot, British accent AND a penis so large, it frightens children if it's kept in a Speedo and not strapped into submission by a pair of board shorts?

Sure, your husband might look like Prince Charles above the neck. Ah, but underneath...

Hat tip to Undiesdrawer.com for introducing me to this big story.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Fratboy Friday

BOYS IN CAPS

Number 27 on your score card,
Number one in my heart.




****




SAGGERS

Tickets to WHICH gun show?!?





****





MOONERS

In my day, all we could do was sit in a stall and tap a foot.

We've come a long way, baby.






****




DAMN, I WAS DRUNK LAST NIGHT

So many hoses, so little time...


Thursday, August 13, 2009

"Hey There! There Goes the Spider-Man"

All day yesterday, I was fighting off some sort of summer cold.

And by "Fighting," I mean, "Sleeping nearly all day after knocking back Tylenol Cold Nighttime capsules like Neely O'Hara on a doll binge." And by "summer," I mean those brief moments this past weekend when Chicago's temperature rose above 90 degrees for the first time this year.

Just two days of real heat. That's it. That's summer in the Windy City.

Can't we save just a little Global Warming for Chicago? Just a little? I'll pay for it.

I'm much better today than I was yesterday. And the state of the modern American musical theatre is also MUCH better today. Much better than it's been in months.



As you may or may not know, as far as his upcoming musical,
Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark is concerned...




Last week, the crew was put on haitus and this week, the actors were released from their contracts. Or as Mark Reidel so kindly entitled his report in the New York Post,
"'Spider-Man' A No-Show"

Now, I would never be so crass as to point out that I told you so. I don't need to do that.
You can easily see that I told you by going here and here.

Why would anyone in their right mind work on a musical theatre version of ANY comic book character after the "I Can't Believe They Didn't Kill It In Previews" Superman musical,
"It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Superman!"?!?

Did Spidey really think he could beat the Big Blue Boy Scout? Come on...




Supes is the granddaddy of all superheroes, he started it all. He's also the sweetest, most "Take Him Home to Mama," apple pie, white bread, good guy ever created. And yet, he still frightened us to the core of our very soul when he started crooning a Broadway tune...




Luckily, Spidey's musical didn't make it that far. Or I should say, hopefully won't make it that far. Apparently, the $45 million budget was a little hard to raise in our current economy. I know. Shock.

I guess one of the producers finally went into the Hilton Theatre (which has already been gutted for the show, by the way), counted the seats, figured out that they would have to fill all 1,700 seats every night for five years to make back their investment and decided that maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

Mark Reidel is calling it the "biggest fiasco in Broadway history."
Almost as big a fiasco as "Carrie: the Musical." And the Spider-Mobile.




Well, at least we were spared listening to that score
composed by Bono and the Edge.




It's all so similar to the cover of "The Amazing Spider-Man" #96.
Imagine the woman lying unconscious in the street is Julie Taymor.
And Spider-Man? Well...




Now that his brief stint upon the wicked stage is over,
he's heading to his new job...




Hey, Peter. If you're looking for a night job to help support you
and that aunt who just won't die, I have a suggestion...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

"The Bigger They Are, the Worse They Smell"

I have no idea what to say about this.

Other than the fact that somewhere in America, a group of people sat around a table and came up with the idea for how to market this product. They thought up this commercial.

Then, one or two of them wrote all the copy. Then, other people spent days planning the video shoot. And holding auditions for actors. They hired the spokesperson. Over the course of a few days, they shot this commercial. And edited it.

Then, they all sat in a room, watched the final version of this commercial and said, "Wow, that's good. That's EXACTLY how we want to present this product to the country."

Brace yourself. Here comes Aspray.


"Help is on the Way"

Alexandra Billings the Kate in "Katie's Corner." She's also, I'm proud to say, my friend. And she's my board member.

Well, she's not "my" board member. She's a board member for Season of Concern.

These are extremely difficult times for everyone, and my little not-for-profit is coming closer and closer to an impasse. Actually, it's already at an impasse. What it's coming closer and closer to is "the red."

I called Alex a week or so ago and we talked about the difficulty of seeing donation dollars decrease so rapidly, while simultaneously watching our client load grow. Like so many organizations helping those in need, we're not sinking, but we are treading water.

So, Alex and our other friend (and SOC board member) Eric McCool came up with this piece. From what I've heard, it's the first in a series, a fundraising campaign for SOC.

What do you think? (Click it to enlarge. Don't you wish that was true for other things?)


P.S. If you want to make a donation to Season of Concern, click here.



Monday, August 10, 2009

"I'd Hang You From the Nipples, But You'd Shock the Children"

Everything you will ever need to know, you can learn from "Katie's Corner."

And if you pay close attention, there are lessons within Kate's lessons. There are even lessons within Kate's interviews. Just watch her latest video.

In it, the monstrously talented Alexandra Billings channels Katharine Hepburn in another hilarious edition of "Katie's Corner," and as she interviews everybody's favorite Gumm Sister, Alex's impersonation of Kate starts doing an impersonation of Harvey Korman! It's outstanding! And informative.

I had no idea that Katharine Hepburn did a mean Harvey Korman impersonation. Sure, I knew that Katharine Hepburn DID Harvey Korman... in a mean, hard way for YEARS during the late 70's (Kate was the top), but I never knew she could impersonate Harvey so well.

The things you learn...

Alex, you are, as always, brilliant. And Judy? Anyone that can make Alex laugh that hard is, to use your words, "Marvelous!" Enjoy, folks.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

"You Are the Butter to My Bread and the Breath to My Life"

Karen and I saw a movie last night.

No, not "G.I. Joe." I am avoiding that travesty at all costs. Even though it stars Channing Tatum.

Yep, that's how bad I think "G.I. Joe" is going to be. Even Channing Tatum can't get me into the theatre. WTF?!?

We saw "Julie & Juila" and we LOVED it.

Is it a chick flick? Yes. Is it a Nora Ephron chick flick? Sure is. Did this fag eat up every second of it? You bet your ass, I did.

Amy Adams can do no wrong. And Meryl is Meryl is Meryl - - a genius, THE actor of our or ANY generation, and one of the funniest people on the planet.

And from now on, if Meryl has a husband or a male best friend in a movie, can he ALWAYS be played by Stanley Tucci? ALWAYS!!! That man is sexy and brilliant and the perfect foil for Meryl.

Not to leave out the oh-so-hunky Chris Messina. So easy on the eyes. And yet, manages to make other areas... so stiff...

Sorry, I'm back. Go see "Julie & Julia."

Then you can compare Meryl's Julia...




...and Dan Aykroyd's Julia...





...with the real thing...




Bon app├ętit!